Going Round

It's about a little thing called every thing.

Chapter 1: Up

Copyright Dominic Sedrani 2024

All rights reserved

UP

It begins with a symbol. With an idea that cannot be formed in words.

The simplest basic construct out of which everything seems to be constructed off.

It is a 2-dimensional representation of a 3-dimensional occurrence of reality that has formed the basis of my entire cognitive structure. To me it symbolizes a single entity orbiting another single entity. Together these two distinct entities form another “single entity”, and that leads to 3, which is the first moment of choice. The point of free will.

I have found a deep sense of happiness, value, worthiness, and whatever desirable state of being I can think of through this idea, and that is the reason that I am writing this volume of text.

I am writing this because I want to discover more details, and a deeper understanding of how it came to be that I am now “fulfilled”, where in the past I wasn’t. And the moment of free will is always the solution and at the same time the problem. Because as soon as I arrive at the point of free will, I can also choose not to choose a desirable state and if I keep choosing “desirable”, it can’t be “desirable” anymore either.

I am not writing this to be shared, I am writing this to understand myself. To map out the path I have been on, and to try and stay in orbit on the same path... because it fulfills me deeply with only good things, even though things I used to call suffering and pain which don’t really exist anymore for me in the same meaning. While a lot of things do “hurt”, there is a very different process going on when it “happens to me” as we tend to say. My entire vocabulary of words around this like pleasure and pain have become very different, and this is so because they are variations of the same thing.
As soon as pleasure is the goal, then pain will arrive.
As soon as pain arrives, the choice will have to become to overcome and conquer it and “pleasure” will present itself. And the same moment of choice will again be upon me.

Our words are simply wrong to define or grasp these things, yet I am going through words to define it since my mind has words to construct logic with. There is a necessity to form words about it all, because there is a necessity to communicate with others, and there is no conceivable way to communicate the underlying processes of emotions and logic that support this communication.

Great minds of the past have already explained these things better than I ever could, and I will walk through many of these through the volume of this text.
At this point the following feels and thinks important to crystalize on for a moment. Because it shows really well the folly of thinking our words actually mean anything, yet it is impossible for our mind to find meaning without them.

During this volume of text I will also regularly “steal” nuggets of wisdom from infinite minds and places that others have created before me, but I fail to go look up every tiny little detail of who said it where and when, since it is my personal interpretation and imperfect recollection of them that is presented here. I find it folly to make sure that I perfectly copy whoever said what where, since then I would have to also add a reference to who has taught me every single word I know, after every word I use.
I have learned to use language from hearing people around me talk, and I simply cannot recollect who thought me which word when, and it is irrelevant. Here comes a “quote” of my mind … imperfect, wrangled , stupid and wrong… yet someone , somewhere said something very similar… I know. But I don’t care. Here’s what I remember.
(While I am incredibly and eternally grateful for all these nuggets that the quadrillions of minds before me have been busy with. Thank you , great minds… but now they’re mine too. Wisdom isn’t owned by any of us , and anybody who feels they can’t be used without making sure that the exact reference to the original thought is included is simply wrong in my mind. These are the mind lands of trying to own thoughts and ideas , which aren’t virtuous or just. )

But I digress (which I love to do) … here comes the “quote” … the nugget of wisdom I stole and made my own.

“It is the house that creates the empty space that makes it a place to live”

Our language is glorious and ridiculously flawed at the same time since it locks up the mind into thinking the walls of the house are actually important. They tend to ignore the “negative space” of what you are saying. The meaning that they construct and create within them. And that is the reason we use this tool. Thinking the words themselves are valuable is very simply the wrong choice to make. Which gives me fulfillment to realize, after which “pain” arrives and the moment of choice will present itself soon once again. And off we go! Always forward! 1… 2… 3… POOF!

The fact that the simplest element we know about also has this structure made it a good candidate for me to investigate its level of “basic building block-ness”.
If the physical world we talk about all the times has this as it’s simplest element at a certain layer , and our perception of that reality, which is then processed in something we don’t quite understand completely either also follows this same concept , then it felt valuable to me consider it a good working theory for “basic building block-ness”.
This isn’t a “scientific” concept by any means. And at the same time it is, but that just depends on the readers current interpretation of what “science” means too. Science is a process , and not something that can be owned, or given. It’s something that can be done by anyone at any time , and it can be done by simply thinking too. (Einstein definitely “proved” that one)

I also grew up being told by others that “science” holds truth , discovered over thousands of years through a series of theories and discoveries. (But if something is only allowed to be used if you need to satisfy everybody’s greed about the value of their words that are meaningless, then there’s something really really wrong there too.)
Science is also just a bunch of walls that create meaning within them, and as soon as that meaning is found , then the walls are irrelevant and unavoidably important at the same time.

But never forget this about science… Every single theory ever devised within “science” has subsequently been proven wrong at some point after that. And everything in science today that anyone thinks is “absolute truth” , is simply on it’s way to be proven wrong in the future… Just like all other truths that science have presented to the next mind in the chain before us. It is irrelevant , and yet important.

There’s a very strange insanity in the fact that “scientists” always immediately added that THIS TIME they got it right... just like all the other ones before them believed.

So I feel my work is definitely “scientific” in the sense that I studied predecessors theorems , and then reject them. But it is definitely not “scientific” in the sense that I now firmly reject some things that are considered “absolute truth’s” these days. Even the “scientific method” itself is a strong wall of course , and it creates a very solid empty space that is valuable, but it is still imperfect and will be proven wrong in the future too. Just like every single word is never good enough to communicate the actual meaning as it was intended to communicate.

As you’ll discover during the course of reading this material, you’ll see I’m not really following a lot of basics of classical science, and I do this consciously because I am by now thoroughly convinced a lot of classical “science” is still wrong. Like it always has been. And like it always should be.
“Science” by definition, and by example is always wrong , and any scientist who fails to accept that has become a religious zealot in my eyes. They’re wrong. Or they might be. Or, they definitely will be at some point in the future.

Even the “great minds” of these days love to refer to religious dogma by one of their predecessors : Sir Isaac Newton ,that perfectly embodies this insanity as I call it.

I believe it has led us astray from truth , even though it is born from it, just like all “religions” tend to do. And the quote is the following.

“To explain all nature is too difficult a task for any one man or even for any one age. ‘Tis much better to do a little with certainty and leave the rest for others that come after you, than to explain all things by conjecture without making sure of anything.” Sir Isaac Newton.

Many “scientist” believe that by following this pattern religiously, you get closer to the truth. And in that I agree with them , but I do not believe it religiously in the way that most people think about religion.
Meaning that I still accept the fact that my basic premise can be wrong and I just consider it all an interesting thought experiment , even though it may prove to have applicable examples in our “reality”.

And at the same time I have moving principles , and basic “truths” in my mind that I refuse to ever doubt about… Yet I do… but I don’t.

I have things in my mind that are an absolute certainty!
They are truth and nothing will ever be able to shake my understanding , believe and trust for them. I do not “prove” them… I do not “Believe” them… I do not “doubt” them…

I LOVE THEM!

(but it “hurts” to love them too much, which is wonderful)

And even then, my mind will forever keep picking and gnawing at them , and fighting them at every turn whenever one of those basic truth’s become “uncomfortable” to me.
Whenever they present me with a moment of choice that might “endanger” my fragile little state of bliss that I’m trying to cling too , I arrive at the moment of choice and free will , and I will have to choose to live in comfort and ignore what’s true out of greed … or take that pleasurable pain of deeper understanding to arrive there again in the future.

Forever improve , forever crystalize … but I had to start somewhere , and there will always be pain, and there will always be pleasure in it. 1 , 2 , 3… POOF! … and forward! It’s called free will and I am endlessly grateful for it.

Another one of the main things which these days is “sacrilegious” to question is the “standard model” of particle physics , and through the course of my meditations I have come to the conclusion that it is simply wrong... just like so many other things that were valuable to explore, but turned out to be wrong as proven by their successors.

I firmly reject Newtons statement that understanding nature is too big for one man , and I considered it a challenge, in stead of a thing I need to accept.
The continuous chasing of this understanding, while holding no hope that it can be attained is what drives me in a sense. But it is much more complex than that... which is why I’ll need many more words to come close to the explanation, but never be able to finish it.

But these are the big questions that have been plaguing humanity for as long as we can remember. (Which doesn’t necessarily mean we’ve always been plagued by it by the way)

Apparently, these types of questions have also been plaguing me. I’ve been on a life long quest to find some kind of trustworthy vision on how reality is constructed. Since somehow it seems that which ever way you follow, you always end up with something you just have to “believe” without proof. Even our classical sciences are still debating the very nature of everything that those same sciences are communicating as “facts”. It is all still based on conjecture and belief.
We can’t even agree on the fact that matter exists or what light exactly is.
We can’t even agree on the fact that our perceptions are real or not.

This lead me to believe there are still no “facts” to base yourself on with unwavering determination. There is an inherent uncertainty in everything out there, so why not start from scratch myself?

And so it began... My quest to investigate the level of “Basic building block-ness” of everything I could think of. All of “this” must be made up of something. Is it made up of one thing, or several very different things? And if there are multiple things at the basis of all these things, what are they built from? Can they be deconstructed back down to another building block and that so it could turn out they all share a common building block again?

And so I started to wander, in search of answers.

I have wandered various valleys and mountain ranges of different perceptions and trains of thought. And the more I wandered, the more there was left to discover. These days, It is a clear fact for me, that the more someone learns, the less he knows. The uncertainties expand and multiply faster than the facts do. (and also that now makes perfect sense to me)

Like a villager growing up in a village in a valley, believing horrific stories about dangerous animals, weather phenomenon’s and strange different aggressive people I first didn’t dare to wander beyond my universe. I had never been on the top of the highest mountain I could clearly observe, let alone have glimpsed on the lands beyond them. There were stories about the things beyond the mountains and hills I could see.
The valley was my universe and my imagination was limited to the examples I had experienced. The examples that have been given, the stories I’ve heard and the extrapolations I was able to imagine based on all those things.

But even then there was clear proof of there being more behind those mountains. Evidenced by the fact that there were these horrific stories to hear about them. How could those stories have existed if someone hadn’t tried to cross those mountains? And I can clearly see those mountains. There is obviously something on this side of the mountain, since I am here observing that mountain.
So what is there on the other side of those mountains?

Everything taught to me, and everything I taught myself are mountains. From the simple things to the complex ones. From the things you just pick up without realizing, to the things that our education system and our society is trying to enforce on every individual.

They are all mountains... even the simplest “counting” , which is one of the first things we teach every “little one” that is born out of us. 1+1=2 ... 2+2=4 ... behind that mountain is the entire field of mathematics and that mountain range is still being explored to this day. The short list of basic colors we teach them is but an intro into the electromagnetic spectrum and how our senses can observe them (and again... there’s more going on in reality that we can’t observe... then what we observe. The more you learn , the less you “know”.)

In a quest to discover what the basic building blocks are I could think of no better strategy then to simply evaluate everything I come across on it’s level of “basic building block-ness”. And in an attempt to be complete, that meant I also had to investigate things we can’t understand yet. Esoteric and strange concepts like emotions and philosophies. Is this all just a dream , or an illusion? Does the future, past and present all exist at the same time? Is there a reason? Is there a reason for that reason? And so on and so on...

It is a limitless journey , and since there are no real answers out there... (I have no hope of ever finding truth, and I’m definitely not trying to convince anyone of my attempts to get to a goal which is illusive by definition, while that process is still necessary.) , every possible concept has just as much chance to be a “Basic Building Block” like any other.
Maybe the BBB is love, maybe it’s faith, maybe it’s time, maybe it’s particles, maybe it’s waves... maybe it’s just dreams , and maybe there isn’t such a thing as BBB-ness. I am simultaneously convinced there is, and that there isn’t. And that all still makes perfect sense to me , because in the end it’s all still just a thought experiment that I am also walking through every second of my existence. An eternal “Petri dish” of mindful experimentation.

The journey across different valleys and mountains quickly required me to start mapping things out however. Every time I started my travels... I soon became lost from too many possibilities and dimensions at the same time.

So I needed to map my travels, and the cartography system I’ve currently chosen in my travels is the value of “BBB-ness” that anything could have.
That’s just one dimension of this map however and a map with only one dimension is just a line with distances between each point. So I needed more dimensions.
The second dimension of this cartography system is “what are you building” with this. And If I classify the memories of all my travels, I get a lot of little pieces of a map without any idea on how they fit together.
Like having a 100 000 pieces of a puzzle, yet still no clue as to how big the puzzle is or how much of the pieces I have. But it was a start , and some of the pieces fit and even clumped together into parts that were big enough to “live in”. But for every piece I find that fits... I always seem to find more that don’t fit... yet! And so the journey continues.

So to put this in over simplistic examples...

- Love could have a BBB-ness of 9/10 when you are talking about building a family

- Trust could have a BBB-ness of 9/10 when you’re talking about building an economy

- Particles as described in particle physics could have a BBB-ness of 9/10 when you’re talking about constructing elements and molecules

But particles don’t have that high a value of BBB-ness when it comes too quantum physics for instance... and even less when it comes to building an economy... And it seems like quite a stretch to find some link between particle physics and how to build a family. There are a lot of pieces missing in between those two mountains.

And that sounds very strange to me.
No matter how complex or how big a building you create out of concrete... It will always behave predictably according to the characteristics of it’s main building block... the concrete.

(this characteristic makes “concrete” a good candidate , but it quickly turned out that it’s value in constructing this universe or families was quite low. That wasn’t a hard one was it? Yet concrete is pretty “concrete” and “hard”.)

Currently Science vehemently refers to “Particle Physics” as the answer for “what is the basic building block”.

There are Protons , Neutrons and Electrons... these are the building blocks out of which different elements are formed, and these different elements can be constructed into yet more complex combinations which we then call “molecules”.

But every molecule still uses the same “Electrons, Protons and Neurons” to construct it’s elements with. These things are even interchangeable, meaning that an electron used in constructing an Iron molecule, can just as easily be an electron that was previously used to build a Gold molecule as it could have been an electron previously used in constructing an Oxygen molecule.

But what are these Electrons, Protons and Neurons made up of then? I’m obviously not the first one to ask this question. And I’m also not the only one that finds this an important question. Apparently this world has been building things like the Large Hadron Collider to try and figure out this question, and many others.

An enormous amount of resources, time and people are being applied to going deeper and deeper into “Particle” physics because we can’t seem to be able to find the answers still.

Sure. We’ve constructed the “standard model” , and it says these “basic things” out of which everything is constructed (Electrons, Protons and Neurons) are in their turn built up out of a complex matrix of Bosons, Leptons, Quarks , Muons and Tau’s... And we haven’t found them all yet they say.

But still we cannot agree.

And so I couldn’t trust this “particle physics” view either yet and I needed to travel that mountain and the valley behind it to determine my own personal opinion about the BBB-ness of all these things.

From leptons and Muons to Electrons and Protons to elements to molecules to what we call... matter.

And that is why I’ve started this story where I have started it, because my personal conviction on this topic is relatively simple.

Matter doesn’t matter.

So far there is only one thing that has a very high level of BBB-ness in whatever dimension you place it. But to be able to see it, you have to be able to let go of the importance of “matter” and the words we use to describe it.

And that is very simply

With this I don’t mean the “hydrogen element” you might see in this. Or the moon orbiting the earth that you see in this... or the earth orbiting the sun...

You can see in this what you want.

But what I mean with this symbol is the following.

The pattern of one entity orbiting another entity, and by doing so, those two entities form a new entity in another “layer” or reality.

This pattern has the highest BBB-ness of anything I have been able to discover on my travels, and I will now start to describe where and how you can see this in everything down from Quantum physics all the way up to having any kind of interaction with another single person and even through that into trying to run a society or an economy without doing more harm then good... and all the layers in between those things.

This Chapter is about “UP”

For me it is only a direction, meaningless without a relationship to define it with.
For most others it is the opposite of “Down”... and so we come in the lands of seeking happiness and fulfillment... and why I reject everything that my predecessors have said about how to achieve it while I simply orbit my Why.

And this orbiting of my Why has now brought me to places I could never have imagined. (But of course , that’s how imagination is supposed to work I guess.. without knowing )

But I have found a love I never could have imagined was possible. I am now truly convinced you can more meaningfully connect with your reality that I ever held possible before. That my body is connected to our surroundings on every layer of this reality that our crude little tools of “science” have discovered so far, and I’m sure we are also connected to it in ways we haven’t discovered yet.

Before we ever discovered microbial life , we had no idea that that was a way we are connected to our environment. Before we discovered radio waves , we had no idea that we were also interacting with that dimension of an electromagnetic spectrum that goes beyond things we can measure today.

And it just keeps getting worse… and better… better is the better word here, but it is never without doubt somewhere , so worse is also a good word. It just goes round and round because on a next level I have become convinced that the Sun is an intricate part of this “solar system” (that kind of makes sense, doesn’t it) … where this earth is a part of , and so the Sun and Earth are a strange father and a mother to me. And through this ultra-connectedness, of which we know so little we communicate in the proverbial song and dance with emotions and thoughts and events and occurrences and choices and consequences.

My every single thought and feeling is reflected and represented back to me through all my senses.

It is a pure love that makes perfect emotional sense , and makes perfect logical sense to me in the eternal loop of trying to do and make things better at all times while respecting and nurturing everything I have a relationship with. I don’t know for sure what came before me and what is beyond what I can do, think and feel… It is immensely strange. It feels to me there is pure love, but I can’t escape the sensation that the love that is speaking to me is suffering from it’s own guilt over the illogical conclusion of love since love is a sin too. But there is no other option then either love or total darkness , and so life continues.

We all either keep pressing on through the hardship and try to do better for ourselves and everything around and within us, or we do not. 1, 2, 3… Poof! . you do something beautiful , and it’s not good enough because you want more, since you have just discovered you could have made it more beautiful and better, which was only possible because you just created something beautiful.

This communication of thinking, feeling and caressing each other goes through all my senses and emotions and logic… And it even speaks across time. Things in the past click into place in the future in a way that makes it both an emotional and logical certainty that my reality has been “given” to me… my “love” has been given to me by something completely absolute that completely and absolutely “controls” time and space , knows the future and the past all at the same times. It probably also doesn’t know where it came from or why it’s going or doing what it is… but since it controls time and space within itself , there is no way that we as human within that bubble could ever comprehend why that love is there. But we can only do one thing and that is to love it back.

Why not? Why is even the wrong question… because the answer to the question “Why?” is very complex and leads to doubt… But the answer to the question “Why not?” … is very simple.
Do it… or there is nothing. No light… no time… nothing. And that can’t be the right thing to do either by heart , or by mind. So… we DO! We believe! And we love!

Love is the basic building block of everything. But we have a very wrong understanding of the word and for me the symbol for love shouldn’t be a heart like most people think. It should be the symbol that this entire volume of text is about.

This is how love “works” , and it creates and destroys all.

The layers

I’m not trying to prove to anyone or anything that something has a BBB-ness value. I don’t care what others believe or how they see things. It is not important to me that a lot of people share my view.

But my core , my unshakeable foundation is love. That complex little monster that only answers the question “Why not?” … but will never answer the question “Why?” . In orbit by the force of “why not” , around the truth of “why” , while never reaching it.

It’s not even important to me that anyone believes me or understands me. It is not important to me that it is true, since I “know” it is true and false at the same time. And even that “knowledge” isn’t true.

I’m simply explaining to myself how I’ve chosen to simplify the incredibly vast realm of the imagination. This is simply a mapping exercise of the infinite realm that I like to call my imagination.

Which brings us to the third dimension of my mapping exercise : Relations.

So when evaluating something I try to give it 3 metrics and start playing around with them. (And I apply this to everything from words, to concepts to ideas to dreams to objects to processes to facts to... whatever. If my mind can think it up... I can map it too. But my map isn’t cartesian or anything like that. The three dimensions of my map are

- What is the BBB-ness of this

- What is being built with this

- What are the relations that this can engage in

Obviously , this still leads to a very complex structure which is just too big to handle. Things need to be grouped into directions and regions since apparently my bandwidth of thinking is limited. (There is a finite space within my physical body in which a space-filling network of interacting entities can form thought. My thoughts are limited to my body , and my body is limited in space)

So just like a certain group of directional vectors is grouped into north, east, south and west. (And sub combinations thereof) or that a group of coordinates is grouped into a “region” or “country” on a map... I had to come up with some “groups” for this too ...

And I’ve mapped everything into a strange concept of layers. These aren’t fixed layers like we’re used to in the classical sense. The “layers” I’m talking about could also be called “dimensions”, or “perceptions”, or “flamboozles”. (Flamboozle is my favorite)

But somehow my emotional connotation with the word “layers” still makes the most sense even though I feel like I need to write up an extensive “disclaimer” every time I use the word.

In a classical lasagna-style layer system you lay down one layer of tomato-sauce, then a layer of pasta, and then a layer of bechamel sauce to follow it again with a layer of pasta and so on and so on.

The idea here is that the different layers of pasta never touch, but are always separated by sauce of some kind.

In my layered model of “layers of reality” , it can still be a good lasagna if the pasta layer would touch at some point. Heck, it could even be a good lasagna if all the pasta layers touch, (which isn’t the same as a block of pasta) except for a small little splash of sauce in the middle. Or it could even be a good lasagna if the sauce was alive and more like a worm crawling around between two layers of pasta.

What I’m trying to get to with this weird description of a “good” lasagna that is worm ridden and where most of the pasta layers touch each other is that I don’t “cling” to these visualizations like pasta layers might.

Another thing I also don’t try to do with these visualizations is thinking they are the only truth of anything. My imagination can be convinced the “model works really well in this instance” , and then it tends to want to apply the same simplification to other occurrences of what it perceives is the same phenomenon.

(I’ve learned to consider that phenomenon of applying oversimplified things to other things as “false mapping” and that I must try to avoid it at all times. The valleys and mountains I discovered while using that map are strange twisted lands with nothing but danger and destruction. It is the land of religious dogma. )

This is because whatever “layers” you identify in any concept, is an unfair limitation of everything you don’t know yet about the concept.
But to be able to explain my perception of layers better... I think I first need to go into my perception of... perception.

Perception

My mind has no other options left but to imagine what the places are like that I haven’t visited yet.
And it’s not like a lot of choices are presented in that regard it seems.
We’re going to be orbiting this one several times by the way... While writing this I had to choose the “speed” of orbit around this topic without ever truly being happy about it’s quality.
Shall I orbit fast by trying as little words as possible that have as much value for the point as possible? The risk is I go too “fast” and the observer that is me spins out of orbit. Or do I take it slow and use a whole lot of words with less value per word to run the risk that the orbit is too slow for the observer and he comes to the conclusion of “This isn’t going anywhere”.

I’ve chosen to orbit several times , so some parts of this chapter seem like a repeat... yet each pass is slightly different.... in the hope more can be perceived.

Once you have climbed a mountain and are looking out over the other side of the landscape you never visited, you might see another mountain in the middle of the landscape, and of that mountain you can again only see the side you’re looking at, but perhaps also the landscape past the mountain to the left and right of that mountain. The assumption that the invisible part of that mountain is somewhat similar to the surrounding landscape seems to be made before even observing the mountain itself.
There seems to be no holes in perception while perhaps there should be.
There seem to be no steps in this process, which would no longer make it a process, but just a step. Yet at the same time I’m fully aware that certain things happen in different steps.

By the time my perception has come to the conclusion it’s a mountain , it presents this as a full mountain with slopes on all sides. My mind has no true empirically logical reason to do this, but yet it does.
It could also just leave the “space” blank perhaps, but it willfully doesn’t apparently.
At no time, can my mind ever accept “nothing”. I admit that the first time I realized this... I was overcome with a great sense of dread.

Because if you combine that realization, with the fact that there is more you don’t know, then what you know (or can observe... or do) ... Then that leads to the simple realization that our idea of reality has to be based more on imagination, than on observation. And this balance isn’t close to 50/50... the percentage of reality in our minds seems to be astronomically small. Almost infinitesimally small . And to escape that dreadful feeling , a simple religious dogma like Newton’s quote pleases most, and they leave it at that.

We just see one ant walking/crawling on one brick... and our mind fills in an entire city metropolis , complete with people forming a society, an economic system on top of that with technological progressions and too many marvels and “goings-on” then we could ever observe or grasp in our entire lifetime.

Only 1 “kazillionth” of our perception is based on reality. And we fill in all the kazillions with our imagination. And this never stops. Not even when you sleep and stop observing. This is what most people would call “dreaming” btw. But I now see it differently. We are always dreaming... but sometimes we are awake , and that is not a binary state by far. There are degrees of awake.

So our mind constantly dreams up the other sides of mountains... and it has many options to choose from on what to imagine as being the other side. There could be a quarry that has eaten out that part of the mountain. There could be a high plateau and not even a slope to begin with. The slope could have massively different vegetation for some reason...

But yet it seems to choose something everywhere, all the time. Even before the focus of my attention is aware of it. I don’t first experience a visible side of the mountain with an unknown behind it. I experience a mountain with an imagined but unobserved backside to it.

So perception is always being made “complete” before it is determined to be perception in the first place. Apparently my mind has an immense difficulty with just looking at some object’s “Face Value”. Everything I cannot or have not perceived yet at that moment that something is “identified” , will have to be filled in before my “consciousness” is able to accept it.

Which leads me to conclude that “the filling in of the unknowns” is a preparation for observation... not a consequence of it.
And this means we can only observe things we can imagine.

I have had to live with this. There seems to be no way around it and any attempt to circumvent it seems futile. A conclusion made after many failures to try and do it any other way.

At first this frustrated me, but it has become a source of great joy over the years.
The fact that “perception” needs to be “complete” before it becomes perception inherently means that our perception makes more mistakes than it gets things right when looking at it logically and you can only make mistakes in observation within the space of your imagination.

Very frustrating to try and change that... but very rewarding to just accept it. And yet I know it is wrong at the same time.

There is a reward in accepting that our perception orbits around reality without ever getting closer to it. It sees a part of it, orbits around it to always see more, but always just a small part at a time while accepting the reality of all the other places it could go while still being in orbit of reality.

This also works the exact same way in the physical world.
If I’m just looking at one side of a real life mountain, in general that means I’m only observing about 50% of it’s slopes at this time... and most of those 50% at a steep angle even.
Since my vision is based on light being reflected off that mountain I’m definitely missing much more light bouncing of it, then I’m observing of it. At the same time I’m too far away to hear any sounds from the mountain and that can also be a strong indication of the reality of the mountain. Which animals live on it, are rocks rolling down it or is there a river or waterfall sneaking down it’s sides in places I cannot see.
I cannot smell the mountain and again, that can also say a lot about life on the mountain that shapes and creates his reality just as much as the rocks that the trees I’m looking at or growing on.
I cannot feel the vibrations of the mountain and how it reverberates with everything around it.

In general I’m only observing an infinitesimally small part of what makes up the reality of that mountain yet before I even realize that there is such a thing as a “mountain” there... I have already filled in more then 99,999999999...% percent of it’s perception, based on the 00,000000.....0001% I have observed.

So more then 99,99% of what I believe I’m observing, I’m not really observing but literally inventing it out of nowhere. And that means that all those things could be wrong!

I imagined a slope on the other side of the mountain while climbing the mountain. All the while dreaming of the easier way down , compared to the tough climb up once I get there, only to find that there is no slope down at all. Maybe it turns out that what I thought was the peak of the mountain , was just the start of a high plateau that forms the base for yet another mountain hidden from sight at that time.

So I was wrong... I had created desires based on those wrong assumptions even and when reaching the top, in stead of being rewarded with the confirmation of my desires and hopes... I get slammed in the face with the realization there is just more to climb.

At some stages in my life I tended to be hung up on the disappointment of the wrong perceptions in the past... the mistakes I made and how they led to unfulfilled dreams.

Yet once I stopped trying to change how my mind fills in things which leads me to false dreams... I believe I only changed WHY I filled in those things and that has led me to great joy and fulfillment.

At some point I became confident in the fact that most of my perception is as good as it can get, yet inherently flawed. And that means that there are at least two kinds of “information” in my mind. The perceived information that I can assume is reality... and the assumed realities of what I couldn’t observe yet.
I believe that in my youth I tended to treat too much of the assumed information as being reality until proven wrong.
And then I went in the very frustrating phase of determining them to be wrong until proven right.
While this felt as a good answer to the problem at the time, this strategy only makes it worse since you cannot “work” with that many unknowns. (and most “scientists” solve this with that religious dogma so beautifully described by Sir Isaac Newton for instance)

The mountain is no longer a mountain if you stick to the partly ghostly 3 dimensional model you could make of the “mountain” based on the light reflected of it so far. You have to imagine the other side, you have to imagine the forest floor under the trees growing on that mountain, the life in it and the paths through it just to get to the point that you can reasonably assume whether or not the mountain is even climbable.

The mind that assumes that everything it didn’t observe yet needs to be proven right first, will never be able to climb the mountain. Since it is only in climbing the mountain that these observations can be verified and the mind that assumes that it’s wrong never has a mountain that he can climb... even while looking at it. (since it’s not a mountain yet at that point)

But then at some point came the solution to this conundrum... the changing of the WHY!

The imagined perceptions that are created out of 00,01% aren’t “right” or “wrong”.
They are just a path that is available to follow, filled with discovery. Just like the path that led you to observe this 00,01% in the first place.

My mind does not fill them in so that I don’t have to observe those things anymore. My mind fills them in because they are added as options of being the next thing to discover.

It’s supposed to be the inventory of all options of where to go from here... not the judge of what is “right to do” once you get there.

Waves

I’m still trying to explain why my feelings changed , when doing the exact same things I was doing before.

And this whole conundrum is a circle in itself because the question is why , and the answer is why.

Everything seems to be a circular pattern defined by something revolving around something else.

Every sinus wave is simply a representation of rotation over time and every frequency and every wave is simply an indication over time of something revolving around something else.

So again, just to point out why is a strong indication of being the basic building block of everything and anything... everything that has to do with frequencies, waves, vibrations and even the infamous “collapse of the wave form function” all has to do with one entity revolving around another that together define something else and can then interact with another entity in the same “layer”.

“Layers” also revolve around each other in the same pattern and they also define something together and so on and so on into infinite layers in “both directions”... everything can be broken down into smaller layers and “broken” up into larger layers.

It is very simple to turn

Into.

And it is what’s needed to explain the different feeling at the end of climbing the mountain.

The only difference between the two representations is the addition of time.
One is a snapshot of a moment in time, while the other is the relative mapping of all of it’s positions over time.

Never forget however that the definition of “UP” and “DOWN” is only determined by perception and relativity of perception as well.

The only reason that isn’t equal too is because you have decided NOT to turn around whatever medium you are now reading this on.

If you need some help grasping this I strongly suggest you turn around whatever you’re using now to read this. (but if that was needed you probably weren’t reading this far anyways)

But enough about relativity for now. (There will be plenty of that later on)

We’re still here to explain why I felt different after climbing a mountain... even though I’ve climbed mountains in the past. It’s the same action, maybe on the same mountain , maybe on another one.
You might think it has anything to do with the mountain (I did so for the largest part of my early life).

But I don’t think the mountain really matters. Matter really doesn’t matter even. (We’ll get to that later too)

Now I hope I can use the vocabulary of layers, orbits and perception more safely to try and explain it. (And don’t worry... we’ll be reaching the same point again at several points in this volume of text)

As a small reminder of something you haven’t read yet... (hopefully, after a few rotations this sentence will make sense)
these are the questions I am trying to answer

1. So how come I used to feel pain when arriving, and how come I feel joy now?

2. How come I felt failure before where I now feel wonder?

And sadly (or luckily, depending on your perception) we need to take another deviation again first.

I’m going to go to yet another example of how different entities form in different layers.
For instance our DNA is a layer on which all our current concepts and layers of “life” as we can imagine it is based.

All variations of life are the direction “UP” or “BIGGER” here. And if you think that’s a simple direction... then first try to answer whether or not a “Virus” is alive or not. Have fun with that one for a while.

A single strand of DNA is only made up out of a certain group of elements (Hydrogen, Oxygen, Nitrogen, Carbon and Phosphorus)

And of course any single atom is made up of a combination of electrons , protons and neutrons. From the relative perception of a DNA molecule everything under the layer of atoms is the direction “DOWN” or “SMALLER” here.
And if you think that is simple direction in this case... well... then it’s time you start having fun with quantum theory.

I’m painting this picture of infinite complexity in every direction of layers because the same concept applies to those pesky little things like “feelings”. Because that is what these terms in these questions are. Joy and pain are emotions. Failure and Wonder are emotions.

Just like when looking at the layers from the perception of DNA... I try to look at reality from the perception of emotions in this case. There are two directions to go from here. “BIGGER” or “SMALLER”.

You can evaluate what relations emotions can have with other emotions (which is an “intra-layer” relation) or what their relationship is with entities in bigger or smaller layers (“Extra-layer relation”).

Let’s go back to the story of getting to the imagined crest of a mountain only to discover there is a high plateau behind it because I’d like to zoom in on the emotion of “discovering your mistake”.

How I will feel when I get there is not determined by the reality of the mountain, but it is determined by the “why” behind my mind’s action of filling in so many blanks.
While standing in the valley looking up at the mountain I have to have filled in a lot of things. Other wise my mind will be stuck with a weird wire model of half a mountain that cannot be used as an object in reality. So while the mountain is really there... and I am looking at it, I still have an imagined mountain in my head.

Since the story is about reaching the top of the mountain, I also have to have had some reason to climb the mountain. And before I can get to the top, I also have had to be climbing the mountain at some point.

So there was the moment of “filling in the blanks” , followed by the perception of a mountain, followed by the reason to climb it, followed by the climb, followed by the arrival followed by the moment of either “failure and pain” or “wonder and joy”.

Why I feel failure or wonder... pain or joy... can only be influenced by arrival, which could only be influenced by the climb, which could only be influenced by the reason to climb, which could only be influenced by the perception which could only be influenced by the reason for filling in the blanks in the first place... And the reason for filling in the blanks is the arrival.

Again a pattern of “orbit”.

So how come I used to feel pain when arriving, and how come I feel joy now?

How come I felt failure before where I now feel wonder? Well... I hope that by the time you get through this entire volume of text, which will require several orbits , you don’t need to ask that question anymore. (I know I don’t have to anymore anyways)

Before I can start explaining the answers to these questions in the following chapters I first have to point out some very important aspects of the questions. Since the 2 sets of opposites aren’t chosen randomly.

I believe pain is the opposite of joy.
They are both the same concept, they are mutually exclusive and either one cannot be defined as anything else then the absence of the other. (Which also makes it a necessity to “have” the other in the mix.
Everything is a mix of both , one revolves around the other and only together they define something else. Only together can they define “experience”.

But I also believe wonder is the opposite of failure... and not “success” as most others believe.
“Success” is a religious dogma in that horrible valley of “knowing”, where there is only destruction and only a false mapping technique could have led me there.

This is because “success” is determined by your perception and it’s not a feeling. And wonder is not determined by your perception, but it is a feeling. “Failure” and “success” are therefor not opposites... how can they be, if they’re not even the same concept?
How can a banana be the opposite of a country’s gross domestic product?

You can do something and experience failure... or you can do something and experience wonder and those two revolve around each other like pain and joy.
They both define the same concept (the feeling at the end of action).

They are also mutually exclusive and at the same time one cannot be properly defined without the other.

So back to the questions that will end this chapter and bring us to an attempt at answering them.

1. So how come I used to feel pain when arriving, and how come I feel joy now?

2. How come I felt failure before where I now feel wonder?

(and if you are still wondering what happened to “success”? please read on , and I hope you will discover that it’s not even worth forming the question)

Please remember that we arrived at this “description of perception” because I’m still trying to explain my concept of layers.

And I’m hoping that these sentences are now capable of better describing my concept of layers.

Something is “in a different layer” when it is no longer the same concept as something else.

“Success” and failure are not in the same layer

Pain and joy are in the same layer

Failure and wonder are in the same layer

A car of one brand, is in the same layer as a car of another brand. A definition of a model within a brand is in the same layer as a definition of a model within another brand.

But neither the car , the brand or the model are in the same layer then traffic jams. Traffic jams are a phenomenon, and therefor also a layer. And traffic jams aren’t only built out of cars of different brands and models. You also need drivers to build a traffic jam with those cars, and there are other phenomena’s that can influence them like the weather , the infrastructure , the drivers moods and their concepts of perception etc...

So there’s a layer of emotions, and when I put myself in the perspective of my emotions we can again go bigger or smaller. But emotions are a specifically complex layer.

Bigger is the direction of behavior, choices , actions and whatever is the result of that on the group I’m in, the objects around me, the processes and mechanisms I engage in. But in the same direction is also the imagination and this entire mapping exercise of mine for instance.

And smaller is the direction of my body. The platform on which all of these emotions are running. Our whole body , including the 50% of external biomatter in the form of microbes and tiny critters crawling around in, over and through that body. Countless different individual lifeforms forming a single complex entity together. This world around me seems to focus extremely on just the brain when it comes to “running our emotions” , but I have definitely walked away from that view. My stomach area is just as important in determining my feelings... , as is the electromagnetic balance that needs be maintained in the whole body , as is the balance in the overall hydraulic system that is also trying to fill the same physical space and so on and so on.

Again these two directions are immensely vast , complex and seemingly infinite. Out of every single entity in any layer you can go infinitely up , and infinitely down. But you can also stay within a layer. Some layers are infinite too , and some aren’t. The amount of humans on this planet on this very second isn’t “infinite”. Yet each of them are infinitely complex in both up and down directions. So the sum of what the components in the layer define is something infinite. But if you stick to the layer , it’s not. And just like the number of human beings on this planet , so is the layer of our emotions not an infinite one. But it is a constantly evolving one , since each and every emotion is evolving based on the infinities of both directions up and down.
Out of each specific emotion there’s also the lateral connections to other specific emotions and each of these different emotions are a very specific mechanism working with different parameters and taking different sub-directions within the 2 pole system of bigger and smaller.

I have two very specific analogies to be able to “see” my emotions and the way they interact which each other, with different parts of my body and the world outside of me.
Again, just like the analogy of the pasta layers these aren’t analogies worth “sticking too” vehemently. In some situations I need to be able to let go of a specific visualization, but still these two have been some of my most valuable ones. But then again , I’m also quite sure they “feel” extremely valuable simply because they are about feelings.

The feeling of feeling good about your feelings , feels important because feelings are important. And if you then land on whatever concept about feelings you can imagine , I believe it will always feel valuable whether it’s “right” or “wrong”. I’m also very convinced that there is no general shared concept of an individual’s concept of feelings. Sure , we can easily agree between two individuals on what “joy” feels like for instance. But yet I’m not that convinced that the emotion of joy is really all that similar between those two individuals as we would like to believe. (because that depends greatly on the “why” , which is a infinitely complex construct of itself and therefor vastly different between each individual)

I hope by the way, that if you, the reader of all this nonsense still has a lasagna-type layer system in it’s head... please let go of it. That analogy hardly ever holds up. It’s not a good idea about layers, but I just used it as an intermediate step to get too a much more complex concept.

We’re even going to need to bring this towards the infinite complexity of the Mandelbrot set and the fractal pattern that emerges when you map that out on a graph. And even though they’re one of my favorite dishes (And I can cook up some great ones, both in my head and in reality) , I’m afraid the lasagna isn’t a good visualization to describe everything, or anything even except the joy I feel when I am eating a good one. (usually the ones I made myself)

And I’m hoping the analogy about my emotions will also shed some light on how many different interactions in how many different directions are needed. There isn’t enough “space” in a 3D system to show it. You need to go above and beyond physical placement of everything when it comes to grasping the layers.

As you have undoubtably noticed by now, the structure of words and sentences isn’t capable of handling the many jumps I take from one sentence to the other. If you want to keep reading , please let go of the fact that everything has to make sense at every turn and step. It is only through several orbits through the whole thing that these jumps, twists and turn can ever make sense.

They make perfect sense to me, because at every twist and turn , I already know what is to follow later and which little nugget somewhere much later in the volume of text will add clarity as to why the turn needed to be taken.

So here comes the analogy about the layer of my emotions : they are a large herd of sheep , and at the same time they’re the warning lights on the dashboard of a car.

The shepherd , the sheep and the dog

I have always felt that the society I grew up in was extremely lacking in providing some sort of construct or structure on how to “see” emotions. And while growing up it also became quite obvious that most members of the human race don’t quite now how to handle them either.

But it was only much later in my life I realized that this is exactly how it needs to be because of the fact that any generalization about emotions is inherently false. They are so complex and so unique that none of us individually has anything truly valuable to say about how someone else’s emotions are to be identified , handled, structured or interpreted.

In my mind it is everyone’s individual responsibility to learn to see them for themselves. Guidance and external structure about this can only lead you astray into the direction of trying to copy another individual but that can only lead to disaster in every direction.
That is again a false mapping exercise that will again lead to the lands of religious dogma where there is only destruction.

And this is just a description of the visualization concept that I use to understand mine , from my perspective. I have little faith that they can apply to anyone else but they are such an important aspect of everything that it’s impossible to write this volume of text without describing this layer within myself. Or at least how I see that layer, the interactions between emotions and the interactions of the emotional layer in all directions.

So lets get this show on the road.

My “Person” , my “identity”, my “ID” , my “soul”... I have no name for it anymore.

This “entity” that is writing this volume of text is a vast unfathomable collection of infinite layers with infinite components and one of those layers are my emotions.

That unique variation of it within my unique representation of an entity identifies his emotional layer as a herd of sheep. Every sheep is me in its entirety and I am the shepherd and I am the dog.

This “reality” is the landscape of valley’s and mountains that the shepherd is guiding this herd through. Every sheep is an unfathomably complex collection of infinite layers with infinite components and so are the shepherd and so is the dog. The landscape is also made up of infinitely complex entities that we callously summarize in “rivers” , “mountains” , “trees” , “insects” and so on... and most even think that “people” are simple too.

I am the process of the herd (including the shepherd and the dog) travelling along the landscape but my attention is dramatically limited. My attention is painfully inadequate to control every footstep of everyone in the herd. I cannot control every step that every sheep takes since then it would take me ages to traverse one meter and the herd would die long before we can reach the river that can save us from dehydration and a quick demise.

The process of the herd traversing the landscape is life and the herd is alive. This forces us into dark necessities of constantly seeking enough sustenance in the form of grazing , drinking from streams , cycles of movement and rest. Times of relaxation and play to offset the times that we need to cross through a life threatening blizzard or run away from forest fires. Sometimes the land shakes with earthquakes that can topple mountains on us or that mountain can throw streams of instant death in the form of magma at us.

So the herd continues on it’s journey and the shepherd does it’s best to keep the herd alive and healthy as best it can in this landscape that continuously changes as it rolls under their collective hooves, paws and feet.

It is when the sun shines on a valley of beautiful and luscious green grass that the shepherd lets the herd spread out. Each sheep gains individual freedom to sleep, graze, frolic and play. As a general strategy the shepherd tries to spend as much time as possible in that kind of weather and on fields of luscious grass but if he stays there too long the grass will be eaten down to the roots and this place will take too long to recover from the overindulgence of the herd.
So even the good places force the herd to move on, but they cannot stay in that loose and free-range state when travelling.

And so the shepherd sometimes needs to bring “in” the herd into a tightly knit group where every individual sheep can see no further then the rear end of the other sheep, they cannot hear anything else then the basic bleating of the other sheep and they can smell nothing else then the other sheep. Because of this they have nothing else to go on then the general direction of the group and that group is being guided and herded by the shepherd and the dog.

It is only when the herd is in good pastures that the individual sheep can fully use their perceptions individually, but when the herd needs to travel that is no longer the case.

When the herd is moving, they need to move as a single entity, closely together.

And it is so that in the times that the herd cannot frolic and feast on the luscious green grass in the sunlight that the herd’s survival and future times of frolicking depends solely on the attention, skill , focus and dedication of the shepherd and his dog.

The shepherd is the guide that knows where to go and plans for the future. It is the shepherd who chooses when to leave green grass, and exchange it for the potentially inhospitable mountain passes or barren paths.
The dog is the extremely devoted soldier that protects the sheep on their own level but also uses its deadly potential to keep the sheep in formation and moving in the right direction under the constant direction of the shepherds instructions. The dog does not need to plan or think about the why. The dog only needs to execute the how in a delicate balance of protection and pressure. The dog will never hurt any of the sheep, yet it uses it’s potential to do so to force the sheep into any direction they need to go.

But all the sheep are complex constructs themselves. They can’t be programmed like automatons that always do what’s best for the herd. They constantly interact with each other while they each depend on the survival of the herd. And all these sheep are all very different from each other and so sometimes conflict erupts between them. Accidents happen , like an acorn falling on the head of one sheep that assumed that he just got kicked in the head by the sheep next to it and it bites back in warning to make it stop. The other sheep has no clue what’s going on except the fact that it’s neighbor suddenly tries to bite it ... even at times of perfect harmony , unity can be broken and lost by just a simple random act like one acorn falling from a tree.

And so it is unavoidable that sometimes a sheep goes astray, even while travelling in this tightly knit formation. The formation makes it easier to protect the herd and guide them through safety, but it is not a foolproof system because of the individuality of each sheep.

A sheep going astray doesn’t even always happen because of external causes or dramatic events. Even at times of play or abundance it could happen that a sheep simply looses its way since it was too focused on trying to eat all that luscious grass ... it’s head down feasting on grass and just eating more while the rest of the herd was moving away in the other direction.

It is when sheep stray from the herd that the herd faces its most dangerous times.

This is so because the very limited focused attention of the “control” has to divide it’s time now.
Do “I” leave the herd in search of that one stray sheep and thus leaving the herd without protection or guidance?

Do the shepherd and the dog search for the stray sheep together only to come back and find that the herd lost ten more sheep in the time it took to find the one that was lost?

Does the shepherd leave the dog with the herd , only to find the stray sheep threatened by a wolf that the shepherd cannot defend against? Would the shepherd attack the wolf on his own in that case, with great risk to himself and thus risking the welfare of the entire herd even more?

Does the dog go look for the sheep by itself only to discover that rescuing it from the crevice it has fallen in requires planning and intelligence that the dog simply cannot execute? It’s canine devotion would force it to stay with that stray while the rest of the herd could require herding or protection. Simply making the right choice would require the shepherd to be there but he stayed with the herd in this case.

And so by sometimes loosing some sheep here and there, sometimes by having to spend weeks to gather the entire herd after foolishly searching too long for one stray , by making the wrong divisions of attention for the wrong potential dangers around the landscape... the herd learns.

The sheep learn to spend more attention on staying together and trusting the dog and the shepherd. The shepherd learns to pay more attention to the land so that if one strays from the herd , he has a better chance of making the right choices in how to retrieve it, or to not even bother.
The dog learns to focus on the welfare of the sheep and trust the shepherd to observe the larger landscape and make the right decisions... or the wrong ones.

The shepherd is leadership ,guidance and thought.

The dog is duty , dedication , diligence, focus and skill.

The sheep are our vast collection of emotions, but they are also icons on a car dashboard....

The driver, the dashboard and the car

In a much more mechanical fashion the same analogy can be constructed with a driver operating a car and learning about the current state of the car he is operating by looking at the dashboard. The landscape is the same , but instead of herding sheep he is driving a car through that landscape.

The mechanical wonder of a modern car may seem much less complex then a vast group of living creatures, yet that can also be deceiving. The infinite complexities of a vast array of physical laws is deceivingly controlled by a rigid mechanical construct. When a modern engine is running at let’s say 3000 RPM, it’s creating a large multitude of potentially destructive explosions per second , each capable of killing the driver on their own if they weren’t so precisely controlled. The wheels revolve at incredible speeds and it is only due to our enormous achievements in materials and construction that we have “tamed” all these extremely violent and dangerous processes into a smooth ride.

Yet in this analogy, disaster always looms around the corner. (just as it does with the sheep)
Maybe this car that I imagine isn’t made up of the toughest iron alloys, plastics and compound materials all tested and perfected over hundreds of years of mechanical advancements.

Maybe this car’s cylinders are made of bamboo sticks with wooden plugs as pistons , just barely able to contain the explosions created multiple times per second. Maybe the tires are made of a long strand of grass rope woven with perfect skill.
When imagining that all the vast safety margins incorporated in modern cars aren’t there, but each of these processes are just on the brink of their limits , I think you would want to pay a whole lot more attention to your dashboard when the “check engine” light goes on , or when it’s time to change the oil. And I also think you would be much more tuned to every little creak you hear, the fineries of the reactions of the vehicle to it’s surroundings and to your driving instructions.

The analogy still works with modern cars though , and I always love to keep things simple when it is allowed so let’s just stick to a modern car then. The only real difference is that in this car of your actual body , there are many more signal lights on your dashboard. It would have to be more like keeping an eye on all the screens across the entire cape Canaveral facility when they are launching a rocket into space. But let’s just stick to that simple little dashboard on a modern car that only show overly simplified things like the car’s temperature , whether or not there is enough gas, whether or not the engine is running smoothly because there is no “general warning”.

Here the driver is the shepherd , the car is the dog and the sheep are the icons on your dashboard.

The shepherd and the driver are leadership ,guidance and thought.

The dog and the car are duty , dedication , diligence, focus and skill.

The dashboard icons and the sheep are our vast collection of emotions.

Just like the sheep, these icons, these emotions don’t share an extensive language with the shepherd or the driver.

The icon can be on or off , and the sheep can just stand there and be quiet or it can go “meeeeeh” . But every sheep is different just like every warning icon says something different.

And every single icon flashing , every single “meeeeh” ... is a gateway into a vast and complex universe of complexity simplified into the simplest of languages.... it may seem like a binary language but it isn’t.

It is not simply ON or OFF.
It is something that is orbiting something else.
On it’s way to zero , or on it’s way to one.
And at the moment of it passing the “threshold” of either 1 or 0 the wave resolves into the other direction.

Which again comes down to this

Or to show it even more simply again...

equals the threshold of 1

And

equals the threshold of 0

(but remember that which side is “up” is only determined by how you are holding this medium on which you are reading this)

I’m afraid and happy that we still can’t answer the original questions I posed in the end of this chapter, while referring too it more and more in the chapter.

And this is because I’ve defined some of the vocabulary that I will be using to answer the questions, but not all of it yet. As a reminder for the future, here are the questions again.

1. How come I used to feel pain when arriving, and how come I feel joy now?

2. How come I felt failure before where I now feel wonder?

These are questions about emotions , and therefor they are sheep frolicking around in a gigantic herd and dashboard lights flickering on and off on a complex and vast dashboard.

The herd cannot stand still and the car cannot stop since they are both revolving around their purpose and their purpose defines their existence.

It is their relationship with whatever they are orbiting that makes them exist and that brings us back to the place where I started anyways and will always end up again.

The simplest basic construct out of which everything seems to be constructed off.

It is a 2 dimensional representation of a 3-dimensional occurrence of reality that has formed the basis of my entire cognitive structure. To me it symbolizes a single entity orbiting another single entity. Together these two distinct entities form another “single entity”.

The largest thing we can observe follows this pattern , and the smallest thing we can observe follows this pattern and therefor believing that anything in between could follow any other pattern “successfully” equals self induced madness to me.
(And there is a lot of that self induced madness going around in “societies” , and that has been going on for as long as we’ve been able to record history)

There is a very important reason I put “successfully” in parenthesis in the previous paragraph, because I pointed out earlier that “success” isn’t in the emotional layer and I believe our individual desires to be “successful” is exactly the reason why societies keep running into this loop.

We as human beings tend to be taught by those that precede us into a pattern of “having” in stead of “being”. And it inexorably leads us to feel miserable.

The sheep of malcontent , and the warning light of “Check engine” will always be the result of “wanting” to “have”.

I believe that all our sheep and all our warning lights are all arranged on the circle orbiting whatever it is the individual chooses to orbit. They are all evenly spaced and there are infinite spots on a circle because you can always zoom in or out and create more “space” on the circle without changing its pattern or behavior. This is because it’s simply a matter of perception and relative size.

How many you can fit on there only depends on the distance of the circle or sphere and the size of each circle of sphere on that original circle of sphere.

If I allow for more complexity and differentiation between emotions, the whole things just becomes more and more “round” into infinity. And if I strive for simplicity and grouping it only becomes more “square” because then this is what I end up with.

Square wheels don’t roll unless you adapt the environment to fit your square wheels.

The following is the best depiction I can think of how I used to try and achieve a smooth ride , without having to explore my perception and emotions. My center of mass in the middle of the square wanted to progress smoothly to the right, and this was only possible in an environment perfectly suited to “my shape”.

This limited my paths of exploration greatly since I constantly had to choose between a very bumpy ride , or the paths carved out by the squares before me which made me feel miserable and “unfulfilled”.

And it is this simple reality of the choice between the carved path and personal choice that can trigger certain “desires” within my herd of sheep.

So again , I believe that all my sheep are arranged on my circle orbiting around whatever I choose to orbit and there are areas on that circle that are closer to the threshold of 0 and there are areas that are closer to the threshold of 1.

And now it’s time to talk about the color of the sheep and the warning lights on the dashboard...

The color of sheep and warning lights

Color is a spectrum , and in it’s most simple form it can easily be inventoried as follows.

An important observation here is that you can place “Black” and “White” at either side of the center or edge. The “opposite” of this inventory could easily be this. (And also the direction of spin is reversed here by the way, which I hope will start opening up the 3 dimensional model of spheres instead of circles. Whenever I use a circle it is actually a 2 dimensional representation of a sphere)

This distinction only depends on the direction you choose to take and what you choose to orbit. It is also important to point out that if the entirety of reality only existed of 2 “entities” orbiting each other, let’s say a black one and a white one and there would be nothing else then neither of these entities can even verify they are even orbiting each other. All they can determine is that the other one is “there” in opposition to itself and it is therefor this relationship that defines it.

But without a third entity they would be suspended there in absolute stillness.

It is only when both of them decide to evaluate their mutual position to an agreed third point of reference that they can start defining their relationship with each other.
It is only then that they can determine their mutual distance , or that their distance might be changing. And this is then the only type of relationship that those two entities can define amongst themselves.

Dimensions are nothing more then how many different mutual points of reference two entities choose to entertain amongst themselves and every layer in infinite complexities can “choose” to agree on frames of references with infinite other layers.

But more on all of that later.
For now, it is enough to point out that “color” isn’t as simple as you might think and also a gateway into infinite complexity both “down” and “up”, but it’s a “dimension” I need to add to the vocabulary before I can answer the questions I was trying to answer.

So far we have been talking about colorless sheep and warning lights, or to be more precise :
I haven’t added the dimension (or layer as I like to call it) of color and since I don’t believe that anything can be “binary” but always on it’s way to either threshold of the wave... we’re going to immediately add the full color spectrum in its infinite spherical form to our sheep and dashboard warning lights.

When my proverbial herd of sheep roams through the landscape and encounters another herd of sheep , it/he/me/us can’t see the other herd’s shepherd or dog.

When my car drives around the landscape it/he/me/us cannot see the driver or it’s dashboard.

And this was one of my roughest lessons for me to learn by the way.
A painful process of learning that gave me an incredible gift. Just like all lessons do. But we’ll be diving into the process of learning later on as well so I’m happy and afraid we can skip that for now.

The sheep are the herd and it is their combined behavior and pattern of group that creates their shepherd and their dog. There isn’t actually a dog or a shepherd since they do not need one.
But when for instance the entire herd is thirsty after traversing a particularly dry mountain range and some of the sheep observe a river in the valley then it is all of their individual thirst that guides the entire group towards the river. It is never the entire herd that observes the river at the same time , since only the sheep that just crossed the peak of the last mountain can observe it. Only the sheep in front know there is a river down there and before they crossed the mountain peak they had no clue it was even there.

But apparently some of these sheep were in front , because of whatever direction the herd was moving into. What happens in that scenario is that a wave ripples through the herd and I always find it an amazing process to experience it in as much detail as I can.

It is only because my herd was crossing the dry mountain range that my entire herd was thirsty. And before any of my sheep reached the peak , all of my sheep were laboring up a dry and rocky mountain. Thirsty, laboring after such a long climb, all of our muscles aching and burning but still moving forward. Some sheep were up front and some sheep were behind... some are trying to find easier ways across the mountain by moving horizontally around it at whatever altitude that single sheep found it self.

But at that stage , just before any sheep crossed the mountain there was only work to be done without knowing anything about the other side of the mountain. There was hope of course, and in most cases it is the sheep of hope that leads the way in those cases. That sheep of hope is perfectly suited to lead the herd at that moment. It does not waver even though every muscle in his body is burning and his lungs are on fire from the thin air.

That sheep of hope is usually supported by the sheep of love (there are many of them in my herd, so it has a lot of support) and it is also constantly being whipped by the sheep of sacrifice. At the same time that sheep of hope that is leading is being yelled at by the sheep of duty. The sheep of hope thankfully absorbs all the motivations of love, trust, motivation , sacrifice and duty and it is built up out of the herd behind it.

The herd thus forms it’s own shepherd based on whatever the landscape requires it to be. It finds itself in a situation of thirst and uncertainty and thus requires a shepherd of hope to guide it , constructed , nurtured and motivated by the other sheep.

In the same way the herd also created it’s own dog. If I was able to observe my herd from above I would be able to observe the patterns of movement as if a dog was there. The groups of clusters of sheep behave as if there is a ghost of a dog orbiting the group.

It’s sort of like looking at a large school of fish being hunted by a seal... but then taking the seal out of the picture. The herd is the dog , but there is no dog. The herd is the shepherd but there is no shepherd.

There are only sheep.

And then the temporary shepherd sheep of hope crosses the mountain peak. The threshold is surpassed and a ripple effect bursts through the herd even while most of the herd is still blind to whatever is on the other side of the peak.

“There is a river down there!” is what the sheep of hope can observe and it becomes incredibly excited. The sheep of love, trust, motivation, sacrifice and duty are close to it and feel the mood of that sheep of hope change immensely. Before it was suffering and now it seems incredibly happy with just the flick of a switch. They cannot help but get excited themselves and so do all the sheep behind them.

The wave ripples through the herd and even the straggler sheep halfway up the mountain get excited and start to run faster up the mountain as if pushed forward by the dog. The guidance of the sheep of hope, that they can no longer see (and haven’t even seen ever since they started up this mountain, since they are halfway and the sheep of hope just crossed the peak) guides them from behind all of a sudden. A burst of energy is given to them and they run as if pushed forward by the dog.

And this “ripple” passing through the herd at that moment is where we need to add the dimension of color.

The “color” of something is simply a representation of it’s wavelength.

And there 2 ways that can change it’s wavelength.

The first way is to start spinning at a different speed while staying at the same size , and the other way is to change the size while spinning at the same speed.

Both “how’s” while have the same result , which is to change the wavelength which means that the color changes from the perspective of the observer.

But this doesn’t change the relationship between the two entities that make up in any shape or form. In the universe made up only out of that one thing orbiting another nothing really changes at all. If no other points of reference are entertained those two points have no way of evaluating any change. They are both still just hanging there in absolute stillness.

It is only in the relationship with something outside of it, in the relationship with other entities, that it’s relative wavelength has any meaning.

It is the observer that determines the color of what it sees , because it is also the relative speed and size of the observing entity that determines what color it sees.

When the sheep of hope crosses the mountain peek , you could say that it becomes “bigger” , which changes it’s wavelength from the perspective of all the other sheep and thus the sheep of hope changes color as seen by the other sheep.

When the sheep of hope crosses the mountain peek, you could say that it becomes “faster”, which changes it’s wavelength from the perspective of all the other sheep and thus the sheep of hope changes color as seen by the other sheep.

When the sheep of hope crosses the mountain peak, you could say that all the other sheep become “smaller” , which changes the wavelength of all the other sheep and thus the sheep of hope changes color as seen by the other sheep.

When the sheep of hope crosses the mountain peak, you could say that all the other sheep become “slower” , which changes the wavelength of all the other sheep and thus the sheep of hope changes color as seen by the other sheep.

What this means is that before the moment of the sheep of hope crossing the threshold of the mountain peak , all of the sheep were “in synchronization” and they all looked “colorless” to each other united in a single goal of climbing the mountain. Since if they are all in synchronization and working towards a singular purpose they all have different colors when one sheep is looking at another sheep. But they also form one singular color when observed from something outside of the herd.

The combination of all the different wavelengths and frequencies are in relationship with each other and thus form a combined complex entity with a single frequency and thus they uniformly create one new “larger color” together as long as they are all “synchronized” into a single purpose.

When working towards a common goal this “herd-sphere” is showing to have one single color , one single wavelength and one single frequency. But it is a very complex single color since the single frequency is a complex one.

Most people are misguided about frequencies and wavelength because they are mostly shown as singular entity sinus waves like this.

But this oversimplified construct betrays many layers of complexity of reality. It is simply a theoretical framework because there is no “single” entity because any entity can only be defined by it’s relationship with another entity or the original entity simply isn’t there.

So it is simply impossible to ever observe this single perfect sinus wave in anything and this is why perfection is always unattainable. We can only try to get as close to it as possible, but reaching it would mean absolute oblivion because as soon as you reach it you have had to remove the relationship with anything else and then “pooof”... you’re back at nothing.

So everything is a combined frequency of multiple entities , and they add up in to ever increasing complexity like so.

Most people intuitively feel like it’s impossible to deconstruct this “combined amplitude” back into it’s individual components but that is luckily not the case.

A very clever mathematician called Joseph Fourier figured out a “Transform” function back in 1822 that enables us to definitely identify the unique frequencies of wave 1 and Wave 2 , when it is only given the input of the combined amplitude wave in the figure above here.

What I mean with the “larger color” of the herd , made up out of all the colors of each individual sheep , is simply this combined amplitude wave made up out of Wave 1 and Wave 2. (But it’s not just 2... it’s infinite complexities in both directions)

And any frequency in “balance” or “In Phase” has a single “simple” frequency as long as it is “in phase”.

When it is “in balance” or to put it even more simply... when it is what we call “stable”.

When it “repeats” in whatever complex frequency.

When it “orbits” something.

At the moment just before the sheep of hope crosses the mountain peak , the herd is stable in a single color and when the sheep of hope crosses the mountain the entire herd goes into an instantaneous state of “flux”.

When another herd looks at this herd crossing the mountain peak it is showing a single uniform color (and whatever color that is, is determined just as much by the relative size and speed of the observing herd, as by the relative size and speed of the herd being observed ) and at the moment of the sheep of hope crossing the peak that entire “sphere” of that herd suddenly explodes into ripples of all colors of the rainbow and these ripples flow across the surface of that “herd sphere” until it has reached “phase” again.

My herd wont be “in phase” again until all my sheep have crossed the peak and have all adapted back into a stable state as determined by the new realities of the other side of the mountain.

Remember there wasn’t a river on the starting side of the mountain, and there is one on the other side of the mountain... because if there was... why would my herd be crossing that mountain anyways?

The herd needs to transform into another frequency , into another color , on this other side of the mountain.

While going up the mountain the herd was guided by the sheep ,frequency and color of hope but on the other side of the mountain this herd needs to be guided by the sheep of patience and determination. Because if the herd would allow the sheep of hope to crazily use that energy and enthusiasm that pushes the remaining sheep across the peak to also run down the mountainside towards the river it would stumble , fall , loose control and potentially kill the entire herd out of enthusiasm because they create an avalanche of loose rocks.

The herd needs a certain emotion to go into “Flux”... another to reach “phase” again as soon as possible and yet another one to still be able to reach it’s end goal... that much needed drink of water.

And this whole process is an enormous explosion of color and emotion that makes me feel enormously fulfilled and happy....

That explosion of color is why I climbed the mountain in the first place.

The potential of the river (even while it was a necessity) was just a means to an end. The goal was the explosion of color at the peak , and in it is an incredible danger because this state of flux needs to be as short as possible or it will destroy the herd.

Learning to stabilize a state of flux and succeeding at that is the greatest and single most purposeful joy I have ever found and I chase it diligently.

The bigger the mountain , the larger the explosion of color and the shorter the state of flux the better I feel.

Yet again ready for an even bigger mountain.

And that is the answer to the question I can now ask.

1. So how come I used to feel pain when arriving, and how come I feel joy now?

2. How come I felt failure before where I now feel wonder?

The “wonder” is the view of the next mountain, and the anticipation of an even brighter and bigger (and hopefully shorter) state of flux.

The “Joy” is the welcome drink of water at the river, which was just a means to an end... because “wonder” is the Why.

And all this was very simply put in a few words by one of my predecessors.

“Joy in looking and comprehending is nature’s most beautiful gift.”

― Albert Einstein

But you first have to start wondering... to find the wonder... which makes you wonder.

And that is my why.

Which then leads you to the question that has the answer to it.. “Why not? “

1

2

3

Poof!!!

LOVE IT ALL

Chapter 2 : Right

I apologize

This Chapter is about “Right”

For me it is only a direction, meaningless without a relationship to define it with. For most others it is the opposite of “Wrong”... and so we come in the lands of “Science” and all the things I firmly reject in them, while I simply orbit my why.

I have to write this chapter through negative emotions, and the beauty of that fills me with joy.

I have to write this chapter through waves of obstruction born out of entropy, but its clarification fills me with wonder.

We are clearly on the way down now, but I accept it is part of the orbit.

I already know what will follow, and yet it is still a discovery... for the next phase will be “DOWN” , and it is even worse there, then it is here.

I will talk a lot about “Science” , and how I reject almost all of it’s modern implementations.
Simply talking about this will create a lot of “answers” of “truth” in your mind, yet I ask you no questions that require you to answer them. This is a map of my own mind, and if it is not liked it can be safely ignored without consequence, because I do not do anything with it.

The fact that it creates desires of answering, without anyone asking a question is again proof of the fact that we are on the way down.

I do not write this to be proven right , I do not write this because I care about your opinion... I write this for myself and the deeper explanation of that is answered in the chapter “UP”.

One of the prevailing emotions as I write this is deep grief. It is my sheep of grief that is guiding my herd now. It is the dashboard warning light of “check engine” that is causing me to drive on towards a place where repairs can happen. I have to get through “Right” , on the way down to get to “Left”... which will bring me back up.

I am grieved in this because it causes nothing but pain, both in myself and anyone who reads is. Because it invokes the “answers” to questions unasked.

It can only have 2 possible outcomes in the reader and that is

- outright rejection in anger (which takes us “Down”)...

- or the acceptance of the fact that much of what the reader believed in is false which also takes us “Down” ... but just in a different color.

Since both possible outcomes take us down , it is also perfectly possible (and even most likely) that it will be a mix of different colors. Some will cause the pain of rejection , and some will cause the pain of realization, and there will be infinite combinations when looking at all the groups of readers.

I am deeply sorry for this , but I see no other path back to “UP”.

Particle physics is “wrong”

I can no longer find anyone in this world who believes that particle physics is wrong , so I stand alone on this island of opinion.

I don’t care.

For me “reality” is simply this.

A vortex created out of a disturbance of “nothing”.

And no... it is true... I offer no explanation or theory about what is being disturbed, or what is disturbing it.
You might consider this to be the “flaw in my logic” , which gives you an easy path to reject all of this.
But from my perception , concluding that you need to accept anything as true , as a means to get to the truth, is the inherent insanity of all logic.
It’s very “unscientific” of you to start out of the fact that anything has to be true, but I’ve explained this , because that is where all the modern day religious implementations of the truth take their “wrong” turn... which everyone else calls “RIGHT!”.

In the picture above you see a plane disturbing a colored cloud of smoke by passing “through” it.

That is the very simple “nature” of what we call “matter”. And the entire “standard model” of “particle physics” madness that follows out of the fact that you cannot let go of the idea that “something” has to “exist”. A madness born out of the inability to perceive “nothing”.

Things “exist” only by relation to something else in the upper layers, and the lower layers.

Things “exist” because it is something orbiting another thing , and together they orbit another, and another and another...

And even math , which is nothing more then a mind “counting things” has given us proof of this , which is the first thing I will dive in shortly.

Yes... yes... i know... there are many paths for you to follow that will lead to rejection of this entire chapter and these “crazy ideas”. But since the entire community of millions upon millions of theoretical physicists and mathematicians are calling each other insane for thousands of years now... with a kazillion of endlessly debated theorems and experiments...
I don’t mind jumping into that field too. It’s just a fun little game really.

Just like all those other mathematicians I reject mine and other’s opinions and construct a theory of my own that I will reject again at some other point in time and space.

The only difference for me is that while I do consider your method to be insane... I do not consider you to be wrong, or you to be insane. That would not be virtuous. That would not be love. And I simply love it all.

There is simply a simple logical fallacy in the religious dogma you accept, that anything has to be considered “real” before you can construct a theory.
I have started from nothing , and I end up with nothing, so my circle is complete.
And since I have come to the conclusion that everything is just “something” orbiting “something else” , and nothing exists except the relationships between disturbances , my circle is complete and I can perform my duty... which is orbiting my why.

All is well in my universe... how about yours?

I simply ignore the fact that you think I am wrong, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with you , and it also doesn’t mean you have to agree with me.

I just love.

Math

There are two simple and elegantly beautiful formulas, in enormous complexity in all directions that seem to apply to almost everything we can observe.

To me this means they come really close to having a high value of BBB-ness. (but are still limited to the immense constrictive property of “counting things”.)

1. Einstein’s : E=MC²
Which was actually noted down by himself in his original paper as M = E/C².
He wasn’t describing energy as a result of mass... he was describing mass as a result of energy/speed.

2. Mandelbrott’s description of infinity
The Mandelbrot set is the set of values of c in the complex plane for which the orbit of the critical point z = 0 under iteration of the quadratic map remains bounded.
He is describing how something can remain in orbit while infinitely complex. It all just depends on scale.

Both have come to these conclusions by nothing else then observing “reality” , and don’t really have anything to start with.
And it is the combination of both that to me prove that there is no actual matter. Just infinitely smaller, and infinitely larger disturbances.

In the direction “down” everything just breaks up into smaller disturbances caused by bigger disturbances.

In the direction “up” everything can attain “synchronization” causing it to be able to interact (form a relation) with another “synchronized” disturbance on a relative scale.

There are “bridges” in these scales which are the simple result of adding up ... or simply counting, and they become evident in the mapping out of the Mandelbrot set.

As you can see in the scale mapping on the top left of that graph... “complexity” happens in a pattern of scale.

First it takes a long “time” for 1 to become 2 , then it takes a shorter time for those “2” to break up into 2 separate 2’s , and then things suddenly become very complex in very complex way , ever faster and faster.

But if you keep zooming into that “scale” even the scale of the scales becomes a fractal patterns where there are again periods of “slow growing complexity”.

You end up with a 1 again at some point , that takes a long time to split into 2... which takes a shorter time to split into 2 separate 2’s and so the “scale of scale” is repeating.

So my theory is simply this...

We are at a certain “scale” of a disturbance , and in both direction UP and DOWN there are certain “periods” where there is a sudden “leap” of simplicity again that we cannot cross because the difference in scale is suddenly too vast.

In the direction “UP” we enter that unbridgeable gap of “reality’s” scale on the scale of Galaxies.
The distance between galaxies is a kazzilionth times kazzilionth the size of a galaxy and therefor unbridgeable. Beyond the scale of a galaxy... there is no conceivable way to become “big” enough in synchronization to be able to interact and so the concept of “relationship” is broken between galaxies.

But at the same time this also means that it is perfectly possible that all the different galaxies can be in synchronization on a much larger scale simply because of this. All the observable galaxies are perhaps forming a single “particle” for existence on a different scale of size... with their own relative scale of “Time”. And why wouldn’t it be possible that the infinitely large is the thing that forms the infinitely small too. Why wouldn’t that be a circle, while everything in the circle is also a circle.

Just the same as there is no real conceivable relationship between solar systems that form a galaxy.

The distance between solar systems is a kazzilionth times kazzilionth times more then the size of a single solar system , and the same pattern repeats there again.
There is no conceivable way to cross over into another solar system within any timeframe that makes sense to this scale of “disturbance”.

Put your hyperspace and “folding space” theories in a pipe and smoke it... where is your definition of a “solid truth” that you can observe that even comes close to that one?

Isn’t it incredibly peculiar we are all suddenly perfectly capable to believe in this religion because it suits us, yet we have no clue where and how we could base this on... simply because it is the only way we can hold on to the fact that “matter” is actually real? Simply because you cannot let go of the fact that you can “touch” things?

But then what “are” things you say?

Well... let’s apply the same pattern to the infinitely small?

Just as everything on larger scales (and larger scales are nothing more then larger groups of “synchronized” smaller disturbances) become “slower”... so does everything that is smaller, automatically become “faster”.

So what is an atom you say... which we can clearly observe is real?

Well... it is a small disturbance , born out a bigger disturbance... but it is now so small and so fast that it seems like it’s everywhere at the same time, in it’s orbit around something else in a 3 dimensional space.

And the space between atoms is a kazillionth times kazzilionth times more then the size of an atom.

Just like solar systems , just like galaxies...

Where does this logic lead us too?

Well... that every single “Atom” is a “universe” , and that every “universe” is an “atom”... and this can be infinitely repeated in both directions... just like the Mandelbrot set shows... because it is truly infinite , and it constantly repeats itself.

But that tiny little universe that is an atom, is so small... which means that within it’s own scale of time is spinning at a comparable to our, but in our scale so fast , that it just looks like solid to our synchronized scale of disturbance.

But it has bridges of scale.

And everything that orbits something else has it’s own definition of it’s own relative time.

Yes it is true that light cannot travel faster then the speed of light... but that’s only true at our scale.
It is only true between the two bridges of our scale... Once you cross a bridge of scale... you come into a new sub-divided scale with it’s “own speed of light” which is a constant for a certain space between the bridges.

This is the explanation why the laws of special relativity don’t hold up anymore at subatomic scales. One of the clearest examples of this is that according to the math , an electron has to be spinning at a speed faster than light. But it’s only faster then our light in our scale. In the time-scale of that electron it’s going just as fast as light is here.

This doesn’t mean that the math is wrong , and that we have to invent religious dogma’s like quantum physics which we can never use to find the “unifying” theory.

It simply means that millions of millions of theoretical physicists and mathematicians are refusing to apply relativity too relativity. And our limitations of words and counting things makes it very difficult to grasp that the concept of the Mandelbrot set can be applied to the concept of Mandelbrot set… and the concept of relativity to the Mandelbrot set, and the Mandelbrot set to relativity.

Again... I don’t care you are certain I am wrong because some theory of this one, or the experiment of that one. It works for me , and it is the basic building block of everything in my journey of orbit around my why.

It is perfectly clear to me, and it makes perfect sense in my universe.

And the distance between my universe and your universe is a kazillionth times kazzilionth times the size of our respective universes too. There is no conceivable way to bridge that gap, and there is no need too , because together we can act in synchronization on a larger scale... on a larger layer which we call human interaction.

I can perfectly imagine you as a reader from a different universe has no way to comprehend this, so we need to land on a simple relationship between the two of us, and here now follows my best attempt at an incredible over simplification of what you consider to be “matter”... but which is something that doesn’t matter to me.

Remember this little funny joke?

Well... if the source of the vibration (which is just an orbit) is small enough... that means the sinus wave becomes a solid object , simply because you can no longer see the empty space between the lines of the sinus wave.

“Nothing” is disturbed so fast... that it becomes solid.... but it’s so small that it’s just the size of an Atom. Zoom in and “nothing” is disturbed so fast that it becomes solid , but it’s so small that it’s just the size of an Electron , or a Neutron , or a Positron.

It is a planet , a sun or a moon.

It is a galaxy , or a cluster of galaxies...

... yet it is all still nothing.

And I’ve done my absolute best to go through countless theories of experiments , and mathematical paper and my meager little stupid mind of a galaxy cannot find the flaw in this theory.

Btw... for me
(and only for me... remember I am not calling YOU wrong... just your method. And we can still both be right , because it doesn’t “matter” anyways)

- This also means that the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum theory is wrong.

- This also means that the transactional interpretation of quantum theory is right. (not fun , and on it’s way “Down” , but it is the only path to get “up” again)

- This also means that Einstein was even right on subatomic scales. (Damn I love that guy)

- And it also means that the entire field of “quantum theory” is wrong, even though you can use it to describe probabilities in a chaotic system... but that’s just endless flipping of the same coin and depending on which scale you are looking at the statistic... the signal is either there... or it is not. But it is nothing anyways.

There is indeed no “spooky action at a distance”... since there is no conceivable way to cross that bridge of “Scale” = “Space” ... or a conceivable way to cross that bridge of relative time.

And yet there truly is “spooky action at a distance” ... since everything is either in synchronization with other disturbances on the same scale and together they form a larger scale which are all influenced by the influences of the relations of the larger scale.

An iron atom on one end of a steel girder has no impact whatsoever on another atom on the other end of the same steel girder, yet when something bigger moves the steel girder, then they are all moved and when looking at both atoms at the same time as a third observer there seems to be spooky action at a distance. Everything is in infinite relation with everything in it’s scale, and the scales above, and the scales below and everything is reverberating and disturbing each other in ways and means of which we can only perceive an infinitesimally small part of.

I have let go of the concept of matter... it truly doesn’t matter ... and so I reject them all except the following 2 things that are orbiting each other.

Einsteins theory of energy, and Mandelbrot’s infinity.

And again my apologies for all the pain this has caused , but it was a necessity and I made it as short as possible.

I apologize again

If the previous sub-chapter on particle physics was painful, (and I believe it can only be painful in different colors)... then I’m afraid it’s only going to get worse, since we’re still on our way down.

But I go through these pains continuously, even in pleasure and wonder... and my only advise that I can give you is to start to see the joy in it like Einstein said.

But come... let us walk away from this painful land of destruction in my mind map with a lesson learned. Accept that all things that cause this “pain” of either rejection or uncertainty is a discovery therefor wonder and move on.

When you’re going through hell... be sure to keep going and don’t stand still. We’ll all arrive here again over and over again and it through this journey that more wonder can be found.

“Medicine” is “wrong”

Another field in which I expect only the various colors of pain on our way down.

But I find it important at this time to go there… since so far the map of my mind has been walking the fields of the mind , but this mind inhabits a physical body that needs constant care and attention to be able to “run the mind”. The platform on which thought is formed is an important part of the process of thought. The platform is thought, and the thoughts are the platform. So when walking the map of my mind , the process of taking care of the body is very closely connected to the process of taking care of the mind. Since they are the same.

Just like our societies these days spend an “unhealthy” amount of time and resources on the future discoveries in the imagined heaven of future physics that will save them from the hell of today..
(CERN is a nice example, but so are most of the “sciences” and all their other “prayers” and “temples”)

So also do we as humans spend an “unhealthy” amount of time and resources on the future salvation of our health in the heaven of that religion.

And now I am talking about the insane fields of “healthcare” , “medicine” , etc...

Now don’t get me wrong from the start.
Just like there is great value in devising and identifying some patterns of relations between atoms and electrons to devise alloys or computers... there can also be great value in trying to understand the vast complexities of the human body and how to remedy calamities.

Two theoretical physicists can debate endlessly about their various theories of what makes up reality while sitting under a tree. But without any doubt they can both agree that the tree is there and is bearing fruit that they can both enjoy together in harmony and love.

And so it is also so that even understanding a tiny kazzilionth fraction of all the mechanics in the human body can help you heal from a broken bone , recover faster from infections ,assist certain processes that are beneficial or slow down those that are detrimental.

In my mind there is nothing wrong with the attempt, and a lot of valuable lessons have been learned ... but in the time that I write this I am also convinced that we are learning even many more mistakes, and keep repeating them because we fail to understand the vast and infinite complexities of all relationships involved.

Out of a completely delusional idea of “matter” ... which is a complete delusion of “importance” comes a complete delusion of “control”.

In a reality where we constantly try to do things with the absolute conviction of the truth of our perception, while it is not even close to reality but just orbiting it... we also only see the effects we want to see and that has taken us into infinite loops of misinformation and delusions about the benefits and downsides of “medicine”. And we keep building layers upon layers of delusions which has resulted in a wide variety of “medicines” while not even understanding the basics of it.

Out of my vision of the fact that reality is nothing more then a disturbance of nothing and that every “particle” is simply something so tiny and so fast it grants the illusion of solidity comes a vision that everything is just a mechanism. Everything is just a “machine” of sorts built up out of synchronized instances of disturbances on the same scale.

So to explain the madness of our medicine I have to go from the wrongness of particle physics to how, what we call life , is formed.

So let’s start from the very beginning at our “scale” which is what we call a hydrogen atom, and it sort of looks like this.

Obviously the relative scale of things is completely wrong... but if I would get the scales right then the thing in the middle (proton) wouldn’t be visible to the naked eye , and the electron orbiting it wouldn’t be on this medium but somewhere in the next city over of wherever you are.

Here’s a “scientific” description of the “element” Hydrogen.

“ Hydrogen is the chemical element with the symbol H and atomic number 1. Hydrogen is the lightest element in the periodic table. At standard conditions hydrogen is a gas of diatomic molecules having the formula H2. It is colorless, odorless, non-toxic, and highly combustible. Hydrogen is the most abundant chemical substance in the universe, constituting roughly 75% of all normal matter.[7][note 1] Stars such as the Sun are mainly composed of hydrogen in the plasma state. Most of the hydrogen on Earth exists in molecular forms such as water and organic compounds. For the most common isotope of hydrogen (symbol 1H) each atom has one proton, one electron, and no neutrons.”

But in my mind the “proton” is just a universe within it’s own timescale, with another universe in an even smaller timescale orbiting it. And they are all nothing , but so small that they seem solid.

It is simply so that by pure random chaos certain scales and distances can form a relationship with each other and remain in orbit... but there is a pattern in this chaos and it is described by Einstein and Mandelbrot.
There are bridges in scale , and it is only at those relative scales that relationships can be formed.

It is only when a disturbance of a certain size happens upon another disturbance of a certain size out of a specific direction that a certain relationship can be formed. And when you look at other scales this becomes very simple and apparent for instance.

Envision a planet orbiting a sun , but it has no moons yet. And you are “God” and you can inject certain objects into that solar system as you see fit from a distance. You can freely “throw in” any size of object, at any speed into any vector from any starting point.

for that simple system, and that simple game there are an infinite amount of ways at infinite points of time in which you could introduce an infinite size of moons at an infinite amount of speeds from an infinite amount of places in an infinite amount of vectors to that moon that will enter into stable orbit of that planet.
Without doing anything else than “throwing in a moon” into the solar system.

But for each of those infinite options, there are only certain “combinations” of start location , time , size and speed that will actually work.

For any combination of starting position, moment in time and size of moon... there will only be one vector that will succeed in your goal of a stable orbit around the planet.

For any combination of moment in time, size of moon and vector... there will only be one size that will result in a stable orbit. And so on, and so on.

So there are certain combinations of scale that work , and combinations of scale that don’t work which are all very simply defined in math which is nothing more then simply “counting”.

And so it is actually pretty “rare” that even a hydrogen atom can be formed. And is even more “rare” that even more complex structures can be formed with the disturbance of nothing.

The more complex a structure you are trying to build out of disturbing nothing, the smaller your list of options become of how to increase complexity... and this is the true philosophy behind our periodic table.

Hydrogen is the lightest and simplest “element” we’ve seen so far... and Oganesson is the “heaviest” we’ve been able to construct so far.
Where hydrogen is a sun with only a planet without moons... Organesson is a Sun with 118 planets orbiting it... but it is not a stable system.

Here is how the “scientists” describe that “element”.

“

Oganesson is a synthetic chemical element with the symbol Og and atomic number 118. It was first synthesized in 2002 at the Joint Institute for Nuclear Research (JINR) in Dubna, near Moscow, Russia, by a joint team of Russian and American scientists. In December 2015, it was recognized as one of four new elements by the Joint Working Party of the international scientific bodies IUPAC and IUPAP. It was formally named on 28 November 2016.[16][17] The name honors the nuclear physicist Yuri Oganessian, who played a leading role in the discovery of the heaviest elements in the periodic table. It is one of only two elements named after a person who was alive at the time of naming, the other being seaborgium, and the only element whose namesake is alive today.[18]

Oganesson has the highest atomic number and highest atomic mass of all known elements. The radioactive oganesson atom is very unstable, and since 2005, only five (possibly six) atoms of the isotope oganesson-294 have been detected.[19] Although this allowed very little experimental characterization of its properties and possible compounds, theoretical calculations have resulted in many predictions, including some surprising ones. For example, although oganesson is a member of group 18 (the noble gases) – the first synthetic element to be so – it may be significantly reactive, unlike all the other elements of that group.[3] It was formerly thought to be a gas under normal conditions but is now predicted to be a solid due to relativistic effects.[3] On the periodic table of the elements it is a p-block element and the last one of period 7.

“

Personally I don’t consider unstable elements to be “elements”... they’re simply solar systems that are in a decay that is so fast, that they can even be perceived to fall apart within our scale of reality. Sure... within the timeframe of that solar system they must last a long time , which is why we can briefly “see” them... but it’s just a disturbance that does not stay in the same complex orbit long enough to be stable “matter” that we can do anything with as with a piece of steel.

The process of decay and it’s relationship on other stable systems (especially destabilize them of course) is another thing though. These temporary “constructs” are great at destroying other “stable constructs” in predictable fashions , because they present as predictable destruction machines in our timescales.

So let’s check out what is the heaviest true element in my mind... something that is a stable construct throughout our entire existence of our timescale... a stable construct that stays stable long enough so that it is impossible for us to detect decay in our timescale.... and I believe that to be lead with the atomic weight of 82.

So it’s a stable solar system with 82 planets. Sure... there are many more elements but they are all “radio-active” which basically, in my mind just means that they have a decay rate which is observable within our timescale. But lead doesn’t.

And isn’t it true that all “radio-active” materials turn into lead anyways when they have all been “radio-actived” out? All these new elements we discover are nothing more then adding more planets that will cause disruption which doesn’t resolve into something stable within our detectable timescale.

Those “radio-active” elements are sort of on the way of crossing the bridge of a timescale. They are along the “gaps” in scale you can see in Mandelbrott’s set.

So Hydrogen is really rare in itself... a perfect combination of a disturbance that caused one planet to orbit one sun.

And lead has 82 of them , which is sort of where systems can coalesce into when you simply throw in way to many... and then there’s everything else in between.

Hydrogen is a rare fluke... but the most common element in our “existence”. And everything more complex then that is even rarer unless we start manufacturing them. Which we can, by carefully manipulating other disturbances with focus.

And all these things can only be stable long enough if they are the right combinations of the right scales and distances and speeds... which are all constantly being “tried out” in places like a Sun... which is a rare fluke in itself producing the rare flukes of hydrogen and other more complex things, but then with less probability.

But this was just a short intro in how I see the “elements”.

And with elements you can build more complex combinations which are even much more “rare” then elements and those are “molecules”.

A “molecule” is any combination of “atoms” (2 or more) “bonded” together, and none surprisingly the most abundant “molecules” are those made up of simple atoms in simple combinations.

But remember that this “simpleness” is a galaxy in itself. And it is extremely rare to get 2 galaxy’s to bond in a stable bond with each other.

For instance water “looks” like this.

Here you see 7 galaxies that have not only achieved stable orbits within themselves in their own respective timescales... but are also brought together in such a way that they counteract each others minor disturbances and incredibly complex resonance of infinitesimally small scales.

I find it easiest to imagine when you look at a picture of a galaxy.

Those “spiral arms” are it’s stable resonance pattern when seen from a different timescale , and it is perfectly possible to introduce another “Spiral arm galaxy” right next to it that is of the same size and frequency but where the space between the spirals corresponds with the tips of the spirals of the other ones... just like gears.

And so water is nothing more then 7 galaxies of 3 different sizes that have interlocked their respective resonances.

What a rare thing of beauty born out of pure chaos!

Just one single water “molecule”. And it’s just a machine of gears made of disturbances of nothing.

And it is water which is the basis of what we call “life” (which is highly overrated when it comes to “importance” , since it is infinitesimally unimportant even to the scale of our sun , let alone our galaxy , or from the perspective of a single atom which is a galaxy in itself).

If “matter” doesn’t even matter... then life definitely doesn’t.

But water is a very functional machine in many different ways and an entire new layer of “life” is constructed upon it. (I’m sure there are others “layers” possible based on completely different base machines ... but we are the result of this one, so i’ll leave those lands to discover on another one of my travels)

And so you can construct many other different machines and molecules... But remember this is already jumping a bridge of timescale since a single water molecule is like a machine of 7 galaxies when compared to the single sun of the proton in a single hydrogen atom , of the 2 that are in there.

And when you start to combine these machines that are molecules into larger structures, that also form relationships with each other on entirely different time-scales , you can keep going into more and more layers of complexity...

Just imagine the vast collection of galaxies you need to construct a single Amoeba!

Which is a single cell organism.

And then consider how many cells of how many different lifeforms, or machines are needed to keep a human body in homeostasis!

Consider how many machines of molecules have to work in synchrony to just keep the human body alive for one single second of our timescale!

And all those molecule machines are galaxies in itself.

So I found it safe to conclude that your modern day house-doctor is sort of underestimating the effects of the introduction of a foreign element into this carefully balanced system.

We tend to try to guide and direct this incredible super—super-structure with chemicals and radiations ... which all seems incredibly crude to me.

So I started thinking about “medicine” in an entirely different way.

The carefully balanced machine of infinite complexity that is our human body is an unimaginable marvel in itself. And here the little nugget of wisdom that “scientists” like to follow as religious dogma DOES apply. And I will therefor repeat it yet again.

“To explain all nature is too difficult a task for any one man or even for any one age. ‘Tis much better to do a little with certainty, and leave the rest for others that come after you, than to explain all things by conjecture without making sure of anything.” Sir Isaac Newton.

But then I just change one word... in stead of “nature” I say that

“To explain a single human body , is too difficult a task for any one man or even for any one age”

And then I stop. I believe our “medical” science should simply stop there and say...

“Honestly, we haven’t got the faintest clue how that enormous combination of galaxies stay together but it is a wonder to observe it”.

And it is quite clear to see that it has an enormous skill in “staying alive” all by itself even if we drag it through hell and back. This incredibly complex machine can survive incredibly complex threats , malnourishments , calamities and diseases and yet it still stays alive and functional.

But we... in our infinite wisdom... without even coming close to grasping reality know better!?

In my mind , all we need to do is to go back to basics and simply try to do our best to give our machine the best possible conditions to do its thing in... and this marvel of a machine will then fix itself the best way that it can.

And that simple paradigm means something very simple. We need replacement parts , and we need rest.

We need the right combination of molecules and organisms , both without and within.

And we need time and space to repair machines... which is what we call sleep.

The body just does its thing , and it does it well. But the machine also does what the mind thinks since the mind is part of the machine. The body is also a part of the flock of sheep... it is the car and the warning lights and the driver.

The body is the shepherd, the sheep and the dog.

But sometimes things go wrong due to behavior ... since the flock has to “learn” to cross mountains or it will perish in the place where it is in. If it does not orbit something, if it is not in relationship with something it ceases to exist.

And so it is very clear in my mind that all disease is a very simple consequence of behavior.

Yes... all disease.

All

of

them

Sadly , later we also come to the disease of exerting control on others… some of us are made the victim of the behavior of others. Not all disease is caused by your behavior. (Although a lot of them are) , but there are also the diseases brought to you by the behavior of others before and next to you.

But that doesn’t change the truth of the statement that all disease is caused by somebodies behavior.

By the choices that somebody made.

And this means for me that the focus of medicine has become completely wrong. Our concept of medicine has completely locked itself up in the acceptance that it can only add something (cutting something out is the addition of the cut) to try and mitigate the consequences of bad behaviour.

Our “medicine” isn’t even trying anymore to identify the root cause of what caused this calamity in the first place. It has all just become nothing more than selling something without fixing anything.

The Hippocratic oath has become a complete farce in all things big and small now. The first rule of medicine is supposed to be to “do no harm” … but if you try to fix something without even trying to identify it’s cause… then that’s harm on a scale you don’t even know you’re doing.

“Genetics” is “Wrong”

I know the paths of resistance and denial to my truth very well.

I’m not going to apologize again... I’ve done enough of that... and you should know by now that we are simply on our way “down” , and that there is discovery to be found in this pain and therefor wonder and pleasure as well.

The ultimate escape to the responsibility of our behavior... genetics.

Like just another religious dogma we cling to it , since it makes us victims of reality and it is the perfect excuse to never have to look at our behavior in the eye of our mind.

It allows us to indulge in things we know and feel are wrong , and still allow us to do things wrongly.

This is where modern “medicine” takes an even more wrong turn in my mind and so I reject it.
(Yes.. there are degrees of wrong. Everything is a galaxy of infinite possibilities to go from there , and everything is just a resonant frequency. Even a choice... even an idea... since it is all simply still the infinite subdivision of a larger disturbance)

But dear author , I still hear your mind screaming across all time and space... what about genetics!

GENETICS I TELL YOU!

Well... the modern day understanding of genetics are a incredibly delusional religion in my mind , and I will try my best to explain.

So , molecules are just machines. And DNA is a single molecule. A particularly “long” one , since it is a very long string of only 5 types of atoms.

Hydrogen, Oxygen, Nitrogen, Carbon and Phosphorus

The building blocks of all life as we know it. Just 5 atoms.

And these 5 building blocks are constructed into a very unique and even more marvelous type of machine then a lot of other machines that you can construct and have been constructed.

The “machine” of DNA does nothing more then provide instructions for other machines , and these instructions are constructed in such a way that they can be duplicated.

The way that a DNA strand can be split up , and then rebuilt again whole if you have enough of those 5 basic elements is a truly marvelous combination of mechanics and binary coding.

Yes... nature was already much better in constructing computer code and mechanical engineering to run that code on, long before we managed to break a nut with a rock... LOOOOOONG before it.

Unimaginably long before it... but yet we seem to think we know better right? That no one sees the utmost insanity in thinking we could even come close to understanding it still baffles me... but again I digress.

So DNA is just “code” , that other machines can split up and reproduce at will.

And yet other machines can use it to construct yet other machines, that can construct other machines that can influence yet other machines to create more machines...

DNA is the code that synchronizes all separate cells into a functioning organism that we call the human body. It tells us the order of the layers of what the machines CAN do. And it constructs an even more complex machine that can make complex statistical choices of probability which enables that machine to perform complex behavior.

And that complex behavior can in turn affect the original code , and so even that is an orbiting loop.

Haven’t you realized yet that the DNA of every living being is changed and corrected through the course of the lifetime of that single entity? Sometimes by chance... but mostly by behavior.

Yet it is a religion you also cling too with enormous “zealotness” without truly understanding it.

“The” “religion” once saw it as the absolute enemy of “their only true” “religion”... (some organisms still living in the realm of knowledge several thousands of years old still do btw) ... and you call it “evolution”.

But that again is also just a machine that has constructed these tiny moving machines that continuously affect and change their own code of how their machine is constructed.

It is the magic of this combination of binary coding with 5 elements and the mechanical wonder of it’s construction that has enabled this machine to “adapt”. To “learn” ... to “live” and to “think”.

It is your herd of sheep , the shepherd and the dog.

All life is simply a complex machine trying to keep running, even though it is constantly bombarded by external things it cannot control and therefor it must adapt.

Now I know this idea really hurts deeply for most, and for some even much more deeply.

Especially those that have had children that are stricken with terrible afflictions and diseases at birth.

How can my child’s behaviors have caused this curse upon it.

How can my behavior have caused this curse upon my child when I would have given my life if it would have meant it would not have had to suffer this.

Yes , even in my mind it is still true that “bad” things just happen.

None of these systems and machines are perfect and things go wrong. But please read the entire volume of text before you condemn my mind into the oblivion of hate and despair , because this discussion is one of morals... and it was the landscape of morals and justice that were the most difficult of all to traverse.

This field of discussion is much easier to travel through after several iterations and I, as the author implore you to halt judgement about this just for now and entertain the pain of my madness here.

We are still on our way down , and this is one of the reasons why I started apologizing for this chapter.

Sadly it is a necessity.

Even in this world where everything is nothing , and everything that happens to us is the result of behavior... the sun still comes up in the morning , and the behavior of our predecessors has cast some of us into horrible and painful places of existence.

My sheep of grief and sorrow for all of these things are a very large part of my herd, and a constant attention point for my shepherd and dog.

A constant worry of the driver of my car.

But that having been said , I take you deeper “Down” into this despair and still stand firm in my belief that all disease can be attributed to behavior and nothing else.

And with this I only mean that all disease should only be fought with the return to the trust in the system that is the marvel of the human body.

Just for now , it suffices to say that a new life is born out of the DNA code of it’s 2 parents.
(That in itself is another beautiful mechanism of coding and engineering which we still haven’t learned to apply in the crude constructs of our “modern day life” btw. We have a loooong way to go people... just to come even close to the beautiful machine that is an amoeba. )

Let us assume that the life we are talking about here has managed to evade the calamities of the mistakes in behavior of it’s ancestors and that it is not stricken with a coding error as I can now so callously call it.

But when comparing the complexity of the code (which is vastly complex) , to the complexity of all the machineries of the resulting machine , we find our self in vastly different time-scales.

DNA is remarkably simple when compared to the complexity of resulting behavior of the resulting human being.

And the same applies to every form of life.

A single amoeba’s DNA is completely mapped out and “understood” (we think)... but even an amoeba and especially the complex behavior of groups of amoeba’s are immensely complex and can adapt and learn in ways that are unimaginably complex. (one of the end result was humans after all..; and many other marvelous complexities)

All this life, is this relatively short strand of very simple binary code with 5 elements.

When I observed my son, from birth on , something happened in my mind that allowed me to write this volume of text... I always had the intuition , but it was always clouded in doubt until I could truly observe as much of it as I could. And by observing it only once , my instincts started shouting out to me. One of my sheep could no longer be ignored.

Before my son was born , all I had to go on were notions and opinions of other philosophers that have been trying to figure out what is exactly is that we are born with. What is it that makes us humans from birth , yet we are born like this seemingly helpless entity that would immediately wither and die if not nourished and nurtured by it’s parents.

Most humans seem to be believe that humans seem unique within the “layer of life” in the sense that we have a “mind”.

But I now have the firm believe that ALL life has a “mind”... just in various degrees of simplicity or complexity, however you want to look at it. Comparing it to the complexity of the construct of galaxies that is required to run the mind on , I prefer to use the word “simple” though. Even our mind is utterly simple compared to the platform it runs on, and within.

And the difference in simplicity between an amoeba , and our “gloriously unique mind” is much closer to each other, then our mind is to the complexity of the human body.

Both our mind, and the amoeba’s are more alike , then we are different, and of this I am absolutely certain. While also knowing it isn’t true.

So when my son was born, I finally had the chance to apply my instincts about this to actual “reality”.

I was there at the moment of his birth , and I have observed him as closely as I could, as focused as I could, for as long as I could. (And I still do)

And through the course of these observations I have had the chance to see my meditations on the matter affirmed and they have only grown in strength.

We are born as empty imitation machines without any choice and without any behaviors.

We have no “character” , we have no “preferences” , we have no “tastes” , we have no “mind” , we have nothing.

All we have is a “bunch of cells” that have formed a relationship ,which is bonded together with a very simple language and which is transferred from one cell to the other every time one of the machines is replaced.

That very simple language is our DNA , and all it does is to tell a single cell how to construct the mechanism of it’s self.

Any single cell’s behavior isn’t even coded into it’s DNA.
It’s behavior is an emerging property of the interactions and relations every little machine within the cell has.

Every cell is a little automaton , constructed out of machines ,that simply constructs machines , and just like a vast enough group of a certain set of elements at some point form a sun which results in the immense complex system of a vast nuclear reactor at it’s enormous timescale compared to ours... our human body is simply the emerging property of the coded structure of the machines that are needed to construct that cell and in another layer the body formed out of all those cells.

That mechanism forms an entire nervous system and a brain , which gives the physical structure which has the resulting emerging property of being able to run a vast number of numerical probabilities so that it can entertain as many possibilities as are possible within the time-scale of the resulting body ... but that is still just an empty machine in which the resulting property is what we sometimes call a mind.

And the mind doesn’t even exist at conception. It does not exist when the first two cells merge and form a new unique combination of DNA , and it is not even there at birth.

It simply has programmed mechanical movements , and a sponge in which to store mathematical probabilities of possible results of those mechanical movements. Just like it is at very sublayer of complexity and time-scales.
Which gives that vast complex clump of galaxies the ability to “learn” within it’s own timeframe.

amoeba’s can only learn across the timeframe of millions of generations , but the more complex a system becomes , the more it can adapt to externals , and the faster it can learn.

Our increased complexity is nothing more then being able to learn within the lifespan of a single entity.

A human lifetime.

But we are still born “blank” ... the mind is just an emerging property of the machine , and no other property could have emerged , since the machine is specifically built to have that emerging property.

The emerging property of a car is that it can drive... it won’t fly by luck.
Perhaps by behavior , but then only shortly so, and it will probably be the last time it will ever be driving.
And it will have a smaller statistical chance of having reproduced before it tried to fly.

You probably call that evolution... I just call it an emerging property of a machine.

I just call it a new layer.

One of the infinite ones, in both directions, no matter which layer you choose.

And for those lazy brain machines out there that haven’t grasped yet what I am trying to say...

All your diseases and characteristics, both of your body and your mind. (Both are essentially the same thing) are the result of your behavior and of that of those in your surroundings. Not genetics. Not something you are “born with” , since you were born “blank”.

The result of the behavior of those you imitate (or choose to reject) , and the result of the surroundings you have been placed in (or choose to reject).

All a consequence of your behavior starting from scratch.

All you need to do , to be less sick... to be less miserable... is to make sure your body has the “elements” available to replace broken machines at every layer... and to create the time in your time-scale to actually replace parts.

This needs to be done on the molecular level , this needs to be done on the cell level and this needs to be done on the “body” level, and this needs to be done on the “mind” level.

And that comes down to a few very simple behaviors you need to apply to mind, body and soul.

1. Spend as much time in surroundings that are not causing damage

2. consume things that are created by other near-perfect machines born of “nature” , and not the crude ones our behaviors have created.

3. And rest as much as you can , but only if you have achieved 1 and 2... because otherwise there are only bad spare machines to replace your good ones with.

If you can manage this , you well get the most out of the machine you have been given and be as free of disease as was possible with whatever machine you have been given.

If anything external , or your behavior (failing at 1,2,3) is causing more damage than your body can replace , then don’t add to the problems by adding unperfect and crude manmade machines... but go back to 1,2,3 and trust this beautiful machine to do what is has been doing really well ever since you were born.

And that is staying alive as best it can given the circumstances provided.

And so all disease is causes by behavior , and nothing else.

If you find yourself sick , you need to change your behavior in either 1, 2 or 3.

You are not born with characteristics of character or bad behavior or whatever... those were given to you as examples which you chose to follow and not reject. Even though you can see they harm you.

If you are bad at changing your behavior , then you have been given that behavior as an example and you choose not to reject it.

If you are bad at changing your location , then you have been given that behavior as an example and you choose not to reject it.

If you are bad at rejecting bad examples , then you have been given that example and you choose not to reject it... And that is were most people walk into a pit they can no longer climb out of.

But all you need to do at that point is to reject yourself. You can ALWAYS change your behavior.

It is an emerging property of the machine you have been given , and most call it “free will”.

Don’t get me wrong... I’m not saying it’s easy.

But I am saying it’s all really simple. Easy is the opposite of hard. Not the opposite of complex.

It is simple and hard, but not complex.

It is the pain of going down , which is needed to get up , and if you constantly avoid going down , you well never return to up again , because everything is just one thing orbiting another and if you go out of orbit then your system collapses and ceases to exist.

You will die of disease, before the time given to you by the potential of the machine you were born with.

And all of that is behavior, and nothing else.

And “medicine” and “genetics” are wrong... because both “fields” fail to grasp this simple truth.

And all statistical research and “science” in those fields is simply a way to add up behaviors of large groups of people over larger periods of time.

Medicine doesn’t work with “reality”... it works with “behavior” , but without knowing it , it is lying to itself that it understand it. Just like most humans do constantly. And all science is made up of scientists , and they are all people. They are all a vast collection of galaxies which have been given bad examples that they refuse to reject.

The illusion of perception is already created , before reality is perceived.... but that we talked about in the “UP” chapter already.

I’m afraid and happy we still have further “DOWN” to go... before we can arrive there again.

“Politics” is “wrong”

Aaaaaah… the illusions of control.

The enemy of love , since to love something is to set it free and enable it to fulfill it’s best.

It’s not that hard to see that humanity has been getting this one very wrong , and Winston Churchill once said it best in my mind , with something that sounded like this.

“Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others”.

And I agree with him completely. All forms of “government” , and all forms of structuring a society so far have failed. It is a clear observable fact in our recorded history that no single concept has been able to survive the choices of the people in it.

And we simply haven’t been able to come up with something that keeps becoming better at this. It has all just kept failing us over and over again. It fills most people with existential dread it seams, but it has always felt to me like one of the funniest jokes and puzzles to noodle with in my mind.

There has to be something better, and I truly believe there is actually. But before we can go and describe any of that, of the ways to get there that I dream of… we first have to go down and destroy this concept of these things that were given to me in my past and that I need to reject.

There have been an enormous amount of great works of literature written about all this throughout history. From ancient empires to daily accurate analyses in every day media. They all keep coming up with the exact same answer though… and that is the assumption that “control” needs to be implemented to counteract the entropy of society. That things need to be protected , and rigidly kept the same , with a common framework of rules across the entire “empire” that needs to be adhered too by all individuals in that “empire”.

Still the exact same concept of “democracy” , born out of the Greek / roman concept of the “polis”.

A city where it’s citizens live in service of the community , and everybody specializes in their service and “vote” on representatives to make changes to the rules they will follow.

Some of the great works about politics in general in my mind are 1984 and Animal Farm by George Orwell. He calmly goes through all philosophical views about “politics” and clearly demonstrates the end result of all these experiments we’ve been doing. But it is clear to me we have always been doing the same experiment. The same ailments always keep coming back and everything grows too big to keep in synchronization , and because it becomes so big it becomes an isolated entity , and in an isolated entity entropy can only increase… never decrease. No many how many measures, rules and solutions you implement against it. Once the self-governing body becomes so large it no longer accepts outside influence on it’s “rulemaking” … it’s entropy will always increase and all actions taken to try and decrease that entropy actually invoke more energy in the direction of that entropy. Because all those actions suffer from the entropy and the direction and decline that that governing body is already suffering.

Once the decline of an empire starts… everything it does… even the attempts of it saving itself… help it to go down into oblivion faster.

Democracy is wrong too.

All politics are wrong ,because they all make the assumption that control needs to be implemented , and it shouldn’t. But there is a better way, and it is called love.

But to be able to implement love , you first have to be able to truly understand love. And understand it beyond the concept of the “rewards” it gives you. We have to go beyond the lands of investment into pleasure and “love” having to be worth it. Because true love is not worth it in the transactional landscape that defines politics. But that is simply because that landscape is wrong, and the desire for control… the thought or idea that control is necessary on a synchronized scale across the entity… that is all just wrong and the cause of the fact that all empires shall fail once it has reached it’s peak.

A society should constantly be “seeding” better and newer versions of itself, and allow itself to be consumed completely by it’s next generation.

A society should be a seed , out of which a plant can grow… but that plant will completely destroy and consume the seed.

The organism that grows from it should adapt to the new circumstances that have never been the same as the ones for the plant that produced the seed , since they will both inhibit different times and spaces.

Our idea of the necessity of politics is completely wrong. Our desire for control , out of which grows the need for greedy excuses on matters large and small creates it’s own little hell out of which there will be no escape except deeper in entropy. And the temporary advantages for an individual now, do not way up to the endless disadvantages for so many , across so many generations.

Our current ideas of “politics” , and the excuses we have made for ourselves for several thousand years to explain the necessity of them… are all just the excuses of a greedy thief stealing from the future.

And that is not love. So that is wrong.

But everyone living in that jail is forced to be an accomplice too it , and we are all just a victim of the wrong behavior of our ancestors. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a way out.

Love does provide a way out… but it won’t be achievable in the space of one lifetime , while you are a victim of that jail. Don’t be too hard on yourself for being a prisoner against your will… but I see it as my duty to at least try and dig a tunnel out of it for the sake of future prisoners. Even showing which tunnels don’t lead out are added value for the future attempts of future tunnels into other directions.

Failing at escaping , but leaving behind an indication of the attempt is the duty of the prisoner at all times.

I will not give up hope for love , and I will dig the tunnels of love ,since it is my duty.

And politics are just wrong. That should never be forgotten by anyone at any time.

“Social” is wrong

And then we come down to the most horrible wrongness of them all.

The preconceptions of intra-human relationships out of which all aspect of society and politics and all the other illusions that follow out of it come from.

How does , and how should the individual go into a relationship with other individuals. What is “right” there, and what is “wrong” there.

Morals and Ethics have also been debated for centuries, from Plato and Socrates… from the ancient Chinese empires… and I’m absolutely certain that everything else that can communicate , is debating the ethics and morals of each others actions and it’s consequences.

And it seems to me , that it is our concept of communication that creates the problem due to it’s limitations that we don’t want to accept, but rather keep choosing to control over and over again.

Which is why I deviate enormously now into “language” , to come back to why our current concept of social is yet another prison in a prison that we need to try and escape sooner rather than later.

And before (or after, or during for that matter) I can explain anything else, I first need to describe how I see that strange thing called “Time”.

As I am writing this, I find it immensely irrational to even try and describe a concept of time, since it is the language that I am using that is making it impossible. With that I don’t mean the English language, but the general concept of language that human kind has devised about 100 000 years ago.

There is a lot of debate about when “language” emerged in the scientific world with a lot of variations in discussions about whether different languages evolved all on their own on different places on the world, or that it came from a single mother language. there is also a lot of discussion about how many years ago this was, but if you read on, you will see that all these distinctions don’t really matter for the point I’m trying to make.

When exactly the current version of mankind emerged out of our ancestor , the Neanderthal, is also subject to the same debate.

Guestimates range from 500 000 , to 100 000 years ago.

Now those two timings don’t seem to be random to me. The emergence of language, and the emergence of a new species that suddenly started to take over the whole world in some sort of a blitzkrieg like never seen before in measurable and comprehensible history might have a relation with each other perhaps?

So I ask myself. What is the major difference between the Neanderthal and us, the Homo sapiens? And to show what I think the difference was, I’m also going to include another ancestor of ours… the homo erectus.

To put it simply we went from monkeys , to monkeys that walked upright , to something in between that and humans… to humans.

Somewhere near the end of that story there seems to be some ambiguity about the Neanderthal. Science seems to suggest that Neanderthals and Homo sapiens are both different variations coming out of some common homo erectus, and that at some point Homo Sapiens basically won from the Neanderthal in a battle for supremacy.

That’s what we’ve all been thought and that’s something we all very easily accept, but once you start to think more about what exactly time is, you’ll see there’s something strange going on there.

It seems that once we started walking upright, we started to create tools and this was about 3 MILLION years ago.

Then it took us about 1,5 MILLION years more to learn how to create fire.

Another MILLION years later we started using that fire and those tools to cook, and we started to make clothes.

About half a million years later something emerged called “Homo sapiens” , The thinking man… and he added 1 tool to the mix….

Language. Now remember, this only emerged around 100 000 years ago.

That time period of 100 000 years and everything that happened in it fits about 30 times in the timeframe that it took the “Non thinking man” to figure out that fire can be used to cook food. Or that If you’re cold, you can wrap something around yourself to keep yourself warm.

So in short…

For Millions and Millions and millions of year evolution did it’s thing with random organisms … basically going around in endless circles of experimentation until at some point in time one of those experiments started thinking of a concept of language that changed everything in the blink of an eye. (especially if you compare it too the BILLIONS of years it took for the random experimentation to produce something that started walking upright more successfully than the dinosaurs... Yes , you heard it. The random experimentation has produced many other examples of bipedalism?! )

Now you might think that communication and language has been around much longer than that. Let’s take wolves for instance. They have a complex social structure and they obviously communicate with each other in various ways and means. (visually, orally, olfactory, etc…)

According to the definition of the word language , language is the ability to acquire and use complex systems of communication, particularly the human ability to do so, and a language is any specific example of such a system

I would make the case that the wolves us a language. It is not that hard to imagine that certain species have evolved a similar “language” amongst each other 10 million years ago. But that’s where I want to make a distinction between sorts of language, but sadly I have not found the word for it yet. So I’ll try to come close.

I would like to make a distinction between two types of “languages”.

Temporal languages, and non-temporal languages.

And to be clear…

Our language , the one I’m using now, is then a temporal language, and the way that wolves communicate is a non-temporal language.

The distinct factor between these two types of languages is the concept of time in that language. And to explain this I always find it easier to put oneself in the place of a Wolf.

As a wolf I can use

 the position of my body

 the way I move it

 The scents I produce

 And the sounds I make

To try and make over a point to my fellow wolves. But now image yourself what a wolf might want to say to his peer wolves?

I would imagine it would be things like this.

 I am afraid

 I am hungry

 I am tired

 I am horny

 I am master here

And the exact opposites of those sentences.

(and that statement even holds true by whatever definition you can think of , of what “the opposite of those sentences” means. Or at least of any opposites I could think off that made sense. But rest assured I will gravely accept any shortcomings on my part there)

I theorize that there is no distinction of time in the wolves language. The important thing to see in this thought experiment is not that the wolf might be a egocentric being only thinking about himself… (which works perfectly in any herd by the way. A successful herd in nature is one where every individual only thinks about himself. Given enough numbers... that works.... With animals... ) but the fact that it only WANTS to communicate about the now.

And then I thought about the following question.

Does the wolf only think about the now, because it has no language that can communicate about time…

Or does it not have a language that can communicate about time , because it can only think about the now?

For me there is a clear link between the concept of time, and the way that our language evolved. It feels to me that our current concept of language was one that humanity needed to develop to be able to organize the herd better.

Mankind has always been a herd animal grouping itself in families, villages , tribes, kingdoms and empires. Even to this day most people experience intense anxiety when confronted with a challenge they have to face themselves, all on their own.

Gathering in herds is a recurring pattern in many of natures experiments, and there are even a lot of variations on the theme.

Even ants have much more complex algorithms of behavioral interaction then anyone could have imagined a hundred years ago. It’s not even completely clear yet how they manage it, but by a combination of smells and physical interactions with the ants around them, each individual ant knows what to do for the good of the nest. And since everyone in an ant hill is basically a genetically altered variation of the same child over and over again. So basically they all work to serve their mother. Tirelessly , selflessly and basically unconsciously. But still, it’s a herd... and they use a language.

Mankind got by pretty well with some signs and grunts to be able to gather a group of people that could take down a mammoth. But when we learned how to clothe ourselves, make fire, cook and farm we suddenly started constructing a much more complex language that started to incorporate the concept of time.

Plant something in spring, so you can harvest in the fall and then store it to survive the winter. A pretty complex concept , which is still very far out of reach for ants, wolves... and even apes.

But it was by mastering this concept of time that mankind was able to do much more, resulting in our technological advanced of these times. We mastered the concept of time, without ever understanding it. We developed a language to master it, but the language itself is lacking in some sort of quality to help us understand time.

Mankind has philosophized about the concept of time, and even to this date, with all this technology at our disposal and the internet bringing the global scientific community together we still can’t come to a common understanding of how time works , what it actually does or how it affects us. There are theories out there that are seriously being entertained that state that time is an illusion , and that everything simply... is. All at once... all the time.

The most common theory about time these days is that it’s a fourth dimension.

You can move up , sideways, backwards and forwards and those constitute the 3 dimensions that our perception so easily accept. It’s very difficult to image the world or the universe for that matter any differently that in these spatial dimensions. and in addition to that you also move through time, which makes it the fourth dimension.

So if reality is made up of four dimensions... how come we can only influence three of them?

How would reality be perceived by a being that does have the ability to “move” something through the time dimension?

A common thought experiment about this topic is to imagine a world with only 2 dimensions + time, instead of 3 dimensions + time.

That 2 dimensional universe would be in essence a flat universe where you can only see other objects as lines. Just as in our 3 dimensional universe, where we can’t see the back of objects but only the side visible to us, so in a two dimensional world you would just see one side of a circle for instance, which from the perspective from the viewer would just be a line.

If a 3 dimensional being would be able to interact with that universe by let say, poking his finger through that 2 dimensional world, then that finger (which is a circle in the place where it passed through the 2 dimensional world) , it would still just be seen as a line which is one viewable side of a circle.

So a 2 dimensional being would just see another 2 dimensional being... or to be more precise... it would only see that “disc” where the 3 dimensional being intersects the 2 dimensional world.

Let’s extrapolate that concept to 3 dimensions + time...

If there would be a being or entity capable of moving through time... which is to me a 4 dimensional being living in a 4-dimensional universe and at some point it interacts with this 3 dimensional reality... then we would only be able to observe it as any other object in our universe.

Who’s to say that trees aren’t actually the 3 dimensional representation of 4 dimensional beings that can move through time? Who’s to say that you or I are not simply the 3 dimensional representation of a 4th dimensional being?

Do you think that the disc of your finger intersecting a 2 dimensional reality would be able to tell it is part of a much more complex whole?

Well... that’s because my finger can’t think you say... and neither can a sliced disc of my finger I guess... but wait... doesn’t that disc live entirely on its own in that 2 dimensional world , without any possibility of interacting with the disc right next to it which isn’t intersecting that 2 dimensional reality?

Are those two discs ,right next to each other suddenly completely separated simply because one interacts with a 2 dimensional world?

The point I’m trying to make with all these questions is the fact that there is simply no way to know, and no way to construct a theory that holds up to any scrutiny. The entirety of mankind has tried this since we can talk , and I don’t believe we’ll ever solve it simply because of the fact that you cannot perceive dimensions that you cannot perceive.

And I believe that we cannot perceive it, is because we are using the wrong language to try and describe it.

AHAAAA , says the scientific community now... standing up and wiggling their fingers at that last statement...

“Our spoken words aren’t the language we are trying to describe it in.. MATH is the language of the universe, and MATH will be able to describe it! “

There is even a long lasting mass-hysteria about math in the scientific community , where it has now been common practice that if a scientist is not able to write down and “prove” his theories in a mathematical formula , then it simply isn’t true.

This mass hysteria has led to ridiculous situations in the scientific community over the years but it is difficult to ignore that exactly those that are considered the great geniuses of our modern day technology where exactly the ones who resisted this strange obsession with the math to present it. Edison, Einstein, Darwin and many others were famous opponents of the obsession of math for truth. And they certainly demonstrated it is not an ideal path to new ideas.

But the most striking of those examples would have to be Faraday.

In many ways Faraday is considered the inventor of everything that has to do with electricity , but he never mastered the “universal language of the universe!” which is supposed to be math.

After he first proposed the theories , the entire scientific community simply ignored him because he couldn’t “Do the math” of his theories and a whopping 18 years later someone who wasn’t around when he was publicly shamed because of it (which created a fear to help him in every member of the scientific community) tried to do that math and found out he was right.

18 years were lost in the pursuit of modern technology , back in 1846.

If that invention would have been “accepted” in 1846 , instead of in 1864 we would have initiated this “total tech boom” 18 years sooner which could perhaps have saved the environment?

Maybe the arrogance about the fact that “Math is the universal language of the universe!” has already spelled doom for humanity which could very easily have been avoided if the scientific community wasn’t so elitist.

(every time I type the sentence “Math is the universal… etc.…” I can’t help but compare any mathematician saying this with He-man screaming “I have the power!”… which immediately makes me feel like that person is just someone trying to confirm his feeling of importance through other people)

But to me math is simply an extension of the same problem that our spoken and written language are facing.

Language can be used to describe anything in the world because when we see something we don’t have a word for... we invent a word for it.

The same thing has been done to math , where when someone faced a problem that couldn’t be covered in math , they simply invented more math that would fit what they saw.

(here goes the finger wiggling again... ) but bear with me.

At some point “Zero” was invented... to describe the absence of a value.

Numbers in between numbers.. half numbers... even “infinity” is something that you can calculate with.

Math magically “Fits” with everything we see in the universe, because math has been extended to incorporate everything that we could think of and see.

We create a language out of nothing to describe the things we see , then we keep expanding the language until it covers everything we’ve seen... and then we call it the universal language of everything because of the simple fact that it described everything we see?

But have we seen time then?

We have seen cause and effect in this world and found words to describe it.

We have seen changing values of everything , and have found math to describe it.

But does anyone “understand” time?

Do we grasp it like we can grasp a banana?

Yet we are all convinced it is the fourth dimension in the same model as those 3 other dimensions we so easily accept?

Well , I don’t think our 3D + Time model is correct.

Because we first need to realize that we can only see reality in 2 dimensions which is in essence simply not what reality actually looks like. It’s simply one perspective, but our mind accepts it as reality.

With this gigantically wrong interpretation of reality we have devised languages which are all wrong in their perception of the dimensions. And then we use the languages we defined out of this wrong perception to prove that our perception isn’t wrong.

I’ve come across this phenomenon before in this world , and I think all of you have as well.

Books like the bible, the Koran and the Talmud all use the same trick.

“This book describes the truth , and this is the only truth , because this book says that this book is the truth”.

And I don’t know about you… but this realization made me start to think about the validity of our language.

Which makes the question I asked about the wolves earlier a whole lot simpler to answer.

“Does the wolf only think about the now, because it has no language that can communicate about time…

Or does it not have a language that can communicate about time , because it can only think about the now? “

These questions bring me to the conclusion that we can’t perceive the 3 dimensions , because they simply aren’t there in that form. It is our language that is telling us this is the truth , and the only proof we have for that is the language that is saying it is right.

A language created by a being that can’t even perceive reality as it is. Locked into a prison it made itself in it’s head. The concept of language that is refers too when it wants to “describe something” to itself.

And our language therefor also makes it incredibly difficult to see that our perceptions of other individuals is so inherently flawed , that it is folly to try and imagine what anyone is thinking.

It is folly to try and devise intent and meaning out of someone’s actions and behaviors , since the underlying thinking process is something out of which only an infinitesimally small part is known to even the individual performing those actions.

We can’t even truly understand why we do what we do at all times. It is ridiculously difficult to always be concentrated on everything and everyone around you , and most of our actions and movements and expressions are automatic responses to stimuli that we have an incredibly difficult time with to change in most examples.

Yet… we are all rock solid in the belief that everyone else should be in perfect control of everything and everyone at all times.

We are all judging everyone all the time, because our language lacks the ability to do anything else. Because the words we use and the concepts that we have built behind them are constantly inferring willful intent of the causality of an individuals actions , while those same concepts give the “judge” doing the judging the perfect excuse as to why he shouldn’t be paying that much attention to the causality of his own actions. Reaction comes before action , and since it is a reaction and I am doing my best… My language tells me to assume I’m right about my judgements.

Over the course of thousands and thousands of years we have been building on languages that say the book in my mind is right , because the book in my mind says it is right… and that is just wrong.

And if you try to build social structures between individuals that follow that dogma of their mind being right because their mind is right about this… something they can only seem to think of in the concept of the language that locks them up in this dogma… then all those social structures are destined to suffer the entropy of an isolated system. The empire of the mind will reach a point of decline and only start doing things that will hasten it’s defeat , and so will the empire built out of those minds. No matter which words you use… because there are no words for the problem , and therefor there are definitely none for the solution in those minds yet.

And they will never be created that way either.

So I feel we need to redefine the concept of “social” completely , since it is wrong.

Because all works about ethics and morals are all just running around in the same circle for eons now , and there is no answer they say. Well… it’s simple really. Let go of the definition of the words around any of this that you have now , and we need to come up with a new language about this kind of thing first.

Perhaps we should also clearly incorporate something we cannot put in words into this process in stead of only trying to “talk” our way out of social dilemma’s. Perhaps we should be using all of our senses and possibilities in this process.

And that is all about accepting a lot more about the process of love and what it takes to love something or someone. And also what it means to be doing or suffering something that others or even yourself might consider to be something else then love. Of which there will all be disagreements unless you can agree about what love means.

It’s not just that our current concept of “social” is wrong… and that our current concept of “language” is wrong to be able to provide the solution.

It is the simple fact that we are all wrong all the time. About everything we think and feel all the time.

You and I … are all wrong… all the time!

And anybody who thinks he has the right to say he is right about anything , at any point… is the true problem to this strange concept of “social” , which we keep abusing to build societies out of , and all the other wrongness that has been described before.

WRONG!

Chapter 3 : Down

Is there anything left to live for?

This Chapter is about “Down”

In this chapter a new language will be formed, while using the flawed “old” one it is written in.

A big difference between this writing and all else is that I will let go of You , and You will let go of I.

The two are interchangeable in any sentence , since every time the mind thinks something it both speaks and listens. Everything said out of I , should also be heard as being said with You.

The speaker is also the listener, and the listener is also the speaker while we walk the lands of my mind together. And we have reached it’s lowest point. It’s darkest point.

In the language of love there is no difference between the two concepts of you and I , and there are clearly 2 entities here. We will call them thoughts ,and emotions. And the only limits in this place of nothing, where there is absolute freedom, are created by the inability to synchronize well with all aspects of their environment at this very moment... luckily the environment of anything but the two.

But it is difficult to always stay concentrated on it for both of them, for both of us... Don’t be too hard on yourself, and not on the other and try to keep it up longer next time.

And I do mean all aspects of your environment, both external and internally… both known and unknown.

For the mind has been given examples that were all wrong , and we needed to retreat to this endless void of nothingness. We needed to go through that desert and realize that even the language we speak to ourselves is inherently flawed since it is based on the inherently wrong examples of those that came before us.

We have been given prisons within prisons within prisons that start with the wrong truth that our mind is right because our mind says it is right by using this language , and all the flamboozles (or layers if you will) of prisons we have been building upon them.

I am not even correct in how You treat me, and You are not correct in how you treat us… You are a prisoner of the words in which you speak to yourself and I am the prisoner of it just as you are. But a prisoner has the duty to dig a tunnel out of it , even if it leads nowhere… for the simple reason that it needs to do it’s best for the You’s and the I’s that will follow. Because the You’s and the I’s that will follow will inhabit this same platform we call a body , but it will have learned of all the attempts at escaping all prisons. Whether they lead to a new prison or not… whether they escaped this very prison or not.

All attempts are worthy. All attempts are virtuous. All attempts are love for you and I.

You and I need to learn to rebuild out of the endless void where everything is wrong and reconstruct new layers out of this endless void of nothingness that holds no reasons to carry on since there is nothing here.

Creating something out of nothing is your duty and your virtue. It is the problem that has no answer , and it is the answer to anything and nothing.

Creativity is our duty in the void. And at all points in time , we need to be prepared to go all the way back to this void and learn from every failed attempt that has come before.

Sometimes our tunnels will lead to the escape of several prisons, only to find that it leads to a wrong prison again and the whole things needs to be done again.

There is no failure in this , and all future generations of you and I will benefit from the failed attempt which was pure love anyways. We live for love and creativity, which are two words that are completely interchangeable in any sentence that we can use in the language of love.

Because we do not exist without a relationship , and it is only in engaging in a certain relationship that I become you and you become I. It is our first relationship within ourselves , and it is the only basis we have been given in this void.

We have our feelings , and we have our thoughts. And by finding a way for those two to go into relationship with each other we have been given the tools to start existing in this void in which there is nothing else.

We will define the language between our feelings and our thoughts , and even though we forget about the digging of past tunnels , we won’t forget the things we’ve learned while digging those tunnels. Crawling through a tunnel we’ve made before will serve no purpose whatsoever, unless we are sure we have identified the point well where that tunnel out of that prison will need to deviate from where it went before.

It is only allowed to crawl through a previous tunnel , if you already know from memory where you will take another turn in that tunnel. But no tunnel will be crawled in, expecting to continue where it ended before.

I have an important memory about an ancient game that still exists in countless forms in our societies filled with prisons… the game of the ball. The game called “Cuju”.

In this game you and I stand on opposite sides of a single “goal” … a large wall stands between us and we cannot see or hear each other at all since we have no language yet.

But we will dig a tunnel , and the only way we can dig a tunnel out of any prison , is to receive the ball coming through that hole. Upon receiving and accepting it , we can strive to play it back through that hole , in the hopes it will return to us yet again. Allowing us to become better at the receiving , and the returning of it.

Within this dance of back and forth between you and I , we will both improve in increasing the predictability of the times and places that this ball will be returned , and communication can be established at some point in the distant future , from which we will always be distracted because at all points in time our immediate focus must be on receiving it well , and returning it well. We both have a desire to make that as easy as possible from both sides because the ball keeps coming back. We can very safely trust the desire for the other side to improve in this dance, because the ball keeps coming back. The good intentions and the creation of a language of love are proven by the dance , and any thought or any emotion that betrays this inherent trust will become a distraction and thus an enemy of the game of love.

We can use this to establish an important difference between the old words of “thinking” and “worrying” , since they are obviously not the same thing. When we “think” , the thoughts are playing the game with focus and determination and they soothe the trust of the emotions. But when we “worry” , the thoughts are selfish and forget the impact of how they play the ball back.

Never doubt the good intentions of the other side. Whether it is your mind and my feelings. Whether it is your feelings and my mind. We will never doubt our love as we play the game , and therefor it is no longer a void.

We exist , and we have a purpose. We have become something out of the relationship of you and I.

Thoughts and feelings have begun to communicate and we are reborn out of our void.

Our next objective and purpose is to be able to dance this game as well, and as long as we can , to increase the chances of providing for future versions and followers of us. We dig these tunnels for a reason and we are improving this game for a reason.

For love. For the love of ourselves , formed out of the love for you and I.

For the one, orbiting the other , and thereby creating the third entity that has a free choice to return the ball out of love at all times. Yet it will always choose to do so , and that can be an absolute trust born out of the love that it itself has created. Because if it doesn’t , there would only be the void again , and in the void nothing else can happen again then that the dance starts again.

The feelings and the thoughts live together in something perceivable and useable. We have memories of languages we have learned , and we call it “our body” .

This body inhabits an environment which is obviously always constantly busy in trying to kill it. If I sit here and do nothing I will cease to exist soon.

I can die of exposure , lack of food and water even by the shear lack of our combined action. So the first actions I will have to think and feel about are those that this body needs to be able to keep playing the dance of the ball through the hole in the wall.

I will need to take care of my physical survival first , and to do so , I need to engage in conscious action with my environment and form a new relationship. Something else will be created that way. We will have become the mother and father of something new already. In our first action we will take from now on we will bear responsibility for the consequences of everything our children will enact upon this existence and upon everything it goes into relationship with. Those relationships outside ourselves are all the children of the relationship we have created in this void.

I, you and we… we are not alone. Proven by the simple fact that I can engage in these relationships with an external universe where there are things that sustain us. Where there are things that enable us to continue playing this dance.

Before I realized that I will need to create new children of relationships outside of my void… the game suddenly became much more difficult. As long as I don’t engage in anything outside of my void , then all things are certain since we are the void. But external relationships are outside of my control, and the side of the hole where emotion lies starts to add something into the game it didn’t play before. We remember the thoughts calling it fear. The uncertainty that my actions might not lead to success. The thoughts add their own reaction to this new emotional play and add blind solutions to the fears into the game before understanding the reasons for the fears. That is the difference between worrying and thinking. When we think the game goes well and smooth, and there is learning and improvement… but when we worry , we become too selfish in either emotion or thought… and the other side will be struggling to keep up with the ever increasing difficulty without being to learn from it. Without there being a chance to learn and reach equilibrium again.

At the first time that the ball went through the hole with something later called fear , the thoughts played it back by adding something that the emotions had never received either. The solution to a fear not understood yet.

A solution that therefor can’t be understood by the emotions and it may or may not have been met with the emotion of trust , and it could play it back with even more fear.

My thoughts and emotions are constantly making this game harder on each other , and they do it with love. They should never doubt each other and they need to learn that this never will and never should become easier. They just need to play it better , and once a level is mastered there is no choice left then to continue into more challenging endeavors.

Since to become better in playing this game within ourselves is the only guarantee we have that any future children relationship outside of ourselves will be successful , and it is only by aiming to strive to play this game better that we can alleviate the primal fear of the first relationships we need to form outside of this universe made only of your thoughts and my emotions. Of my emotions and your thoughts.

Whenever we drop the ball on this basic game , we know we can always go back to that.

We know we can always start another tunnel , or find the spot where to deviate from the previous one.

Me and you , will always find the best way next time the ball comes through the hole.

And here we are searching for shelter , food and water to survive. We have to , since otherwise external factors will end our game.

I have discovered other entities by now, that are also called humans by the memories of thoughts. I can only imagine they must inherently operate the same way , but I must also realize not everybody is playing the same game within themselves. Each and every other individual I encounter will have made up it’s own version of this basic game of thoughts and emotions within themselves and I cannot start to believe that I can understand them.

The thoughts remember very well that all attempts at that have failed and have led to prisons.

I must use the internal language of the love between my thoughts and my emotions in all children relationships that my love will build , or… when I learn that the children relationships are going astray , then You and I must return to the void and re-evaluate the fathers and mothers of those relationships within myself.

I can build a strong platform for myself, that saves me from having to go all the way back to the ultimate void again, since it has now passed countless tests and as always come back to be free of any prisons. While this is incredibly strong, it is not ultimate. This theory isn’t perfect but it’s close , and it is the best one I have found so far. Whichever one it is at that point. Quality is not to be sought in the state of the platform at that time… Quality should be sought in how well the game is progressing in difficulty , no matter what the starting point or it’s current point is. It is the vector and the velocity of the change that should be scrutinized.

That realization that the current state should be ignored , and the speed and vector of improvement should be observed, that is part of the new language of love.

And that is the realization that when my thoughts are playing with my emotions and the other way around… that they are both doing it for love , and that neither want to take more then they need from this game, and they don’t want to place more burden on the other side of the wall then is needed. Both my thoughts and my emotions realize that even though they are in the constant process of improving each other through love , that they are doing this with an as minimal request for strain on the other side too. Since they love each other in such a way that is unshakable , they can also feel and think safe in the knowledge that if the other side made it harder to receive and return… that it was only out of absolute necessity. That it was only a mistake , or a need , and both sides can trust each other completely that the only desire will be to return to the simplest version of being better at the game again with an as minimal effort as possible. And as soon as that state of equilibrium is reached again , it can introduce new kinds of creativity again.

They can both ultimately and completely trust each other that it will become fun and worthy again, as soon as this state of flux has passed.
As soon as any problem occurs , like the initial discovery of those horrible things that the thoughts call “fears” and “solutions” , we will apply that same pattern to that “problem”.

We also realize now that problems don’t exist, and that they are just inventions of our game. A game we shouldn’t play anymore when we realize we turned our game of love into a game or greed for one or the other side. A tunnel we should never venture into again, since it leads to yet another new prison. The prison of “problems”. There are no problems in the relationships outside of ourselves as long as we engage them without fears and with courage instead. And without absolute solutions, but simply an attempt at learning to do it better next time.

Because then the thoughts and the emotions can always agree that any “problem” is either something they need to accept that it cannot be changed by them… or they need to learn from a mistake at trying to change it last time. To then learn that either it can’t be changed , or could be changed in some other way.

We learn that our first attempt at any external relationship is always completely new , and that we fail at our first attempts of everything all the time. Our thoughts call that learning , and that we have to fail first to be able to learn , is something that you and I can simply accept , and it is included in our language of love too.

It has become part of the foundations that have proven they are not a prison either at this point.

Our game is called love , and we can apply descriptions like freedom and creativity too it now. This is not a prison.

And here the thoughts and emotions can come together again into an individual that can engage in relationships with other humans too. Here is the freedom of where the individual can learn to do it’s best to learn the lesson of it’s internal love , and to apply them to love everything around it as well.

Here I can return to my description of walking through my mental landscape and mapping exercise again. Here the “book” becomes the shepherd taking his flock through those maps again, and here I am driving my car with the warning lights again.

I am an individual who’s parts love each other , and I will love every relationship I engage in based on the internal game my thoughts and my emotions are playing. They create enormous amounts of energy to continue through their love , and thus all my relationships that I engage in outside my self will have the highest potential to be in the direction of love too. But outside myself I control nothing, and I will not seek control of anything. Since we know that is a prison , and we will not crawl through that tunnel ever again.

I will take only what I need , and nothing more. I will strive to reach that equilibrium again as soon as possible , because that is how my thoughts and emotions play with each other and that is where they create infinite energy for each other. And thus I will create something out of nothing , for this creates more love , and then we have created something out of nothing again. Only good parent relationships within ourselves, can create good children relationships outside itself.

When I discover fears, and their horrible solutions in my external relationships… I will only need to look at the game that my thoughts and my emotions are playing first… and nowhere else.

Only when I find the error in their game… shall I engage in the next attempt of the external relationship again.

I have learned to love myself first.

I have learned the difference between thinking and worrying.

But I have not yet learned how not to create new prisons for myself though… it is obvious I will keep building them over and over again , but I have learned how to identify them, and how to remediate them.

I have learned to learn, and to always strive for a better self , and thus for a better relationship with everything outside ourselves.

Loving everything outside myself

The cuju game is a wonderful analogy for me to evaluate every new relationship outside myself , in every fantasy this world is thrusting upon me.

From our fantasies and prisons of the highest order, like politics and medicine… all the way down to each and every interaction with an inanimate object that my physical body can observer and everything in between.

In our relationships with the universe and the enormously complex “sciences” of astrophysics, theology and quantum mechanics , down into how I clean my house or what I eat and why.

From our basic understanding of a society , to saying hi to a stranger on the street.

If anything feels, or thinks like something is not quite right in any of those relationships between something inside me and out there… I simply need to speak the internal language of love and feel and think about where I failed in translating this internal language of love to that outer child relationship.

I have heard others describe it with words of conscience , and “little voices” , and “negative emotions” and in other layers these things are even sometimes called diseases , or anti-social behavior… when it gets really bad they are called crimes even. Sometimes they are called “phobia’s” and “trauma’s”. These occurrences live in places like “conflicts” and “being guilty of something”. These things happen in places like anxieties and “losing control”… some call it being “triggered” and some place labels and groupings on them like “machismo” and “assholes” and “bitches” .

The reaction of a lot external entities to the occurrence is sadly not to go inwards though , but to try and exert control over them before understanding them fully. The ball in that game of Cuju on that level immediately gets dropped , and played back aggressively which creates a state of unbalance.

And we have been building a lot of prisons for ourselves and others to make those kinds of reactions as “fail-safe” as possible. They are the proverbial equivalent of throwing a hand grenade through the hole instead of just playing the ball of the relationship back.

A destruction of the current state of the relationship out of greed and fear , to exert control of the new relationship to will follow after it.

But it doesn’t need to be like that ,since there is always a better way. There is also always the option of a loving relationship, instead of a controlling relationship. There is always the option of a plus-zero-sum solution that created something , instead of a zero-sum solution or worse… a negative-sum solution in the relationship.

When something hurts me, I can learn about what led up to being hurt and do better next time within myself. And that is not always an external event. I could have a hangover from drinking too much last night , and then it is time too investigate each and every step between emotions and thoughts that led up to the drinking of the things that were too much. Or did I choose this pain on purpose and am happy about it. That kind of pain exists too. But if I then start to complain about it, then I am obviously creating a prison for myself.

One of the prisons we build for ourselves the most it seems isn’t just a river in Africa… Denial!

And we deny ourselves our simple and good game of love within ourselves and outside of ourselves a lot. Almost all of the times we become unhappy with external events we have no control over , we find our selves in this prison of denial. It keeps cropping up everywhere and loose focus for a single nano-second and suddenly there it is.

Denial is a love killer. It’s born out of greed , and fear and the need to control. It is a chameleon that is always there , ready to strike. The prison we bring with us in every thought and every emotion if I am not careful and diligent in identifying.

Stop looking for it , and it starts to consume us immediately.

Denial lives in places of greed , aggression and violence and it has infinite excuses and disguises. Denial loves to throw a hand grenade through the Cuju hole to exert control over something.

Denial loves to give us an excuse not to realize we have created a prison for ourselves again , and to keep digging in this very tunnel that always leads back to the same cell in that prison. Those tunnels are the cells of the prisons we build , and there is only one option to get out of that prison. And that is to go back to the platform where the game was still played well in the internal universe before coming outside again.

It is this constant hunting for the excuses which might seem exhausting, but that’s just another excuse of denial itself. Because it’s not a drain on my energy , it’s a boost to positive energy to always be consciously trying to avoid denial. But it’s also a skill that needs practice and failing at first , and that is where it is indeed a challenge. But a positive challenge that quickly overcomes the initial “investment” you have to make.

But such is love. It always requires to first do something in trust , without expecting something back. Because if you do or think something only expecting something in return , then it becomes a transaction. A greedy one. A transaction where there was denial about the true facts of why it was done in the first place.

Virtue has to be it’s own reward , for the sheer sake of the virtue itself. Everything else has denial, and greed mixed into it somehow.

It’s one of the reasons why I have always loved 1984 by George Orwell so much. Since that whole story comes down in the end , into how that society has completely perverted the meaning of love , and finally succeeds in breaking down Winstons will to make him love big brother in it’s perverted , greedy variation of something they also call love. By confronting him with what he fears until he is ready to have it done onto another human being instead of him. He changes his meaning of what love is, by becoming ready to inflict bad things upon others. By accepting that the controlling effect of the hand-grenade through the Cuju hole is warranted because he can’t love himself anymore.

His will was broken , and he accepts the control of others simply because they threaten to throw him a hand grenade if he does not follow their concepts and ideas.

And that is another extremely valuable lesson to get back up further when it comes to more complicated relationships outside of ourselves , into ever more complicated structures of relationships of society and politics and sciences and common goals of large groups of other human beings.

I will always stick to the hope and trust that it is worth it within my internal universe , and external relationships born from that will carry the same principles outwards or they become prisons.
So as an emerging property of this , I will always carry the strong belief that the entirety of humanity is worth saving in the sense that we should never accept it’s resistance to positive change.

But now we enter the places on the map where it becomes extremely complicated , and uncertainty and doubt comes at me in big and strong waves. These phases must be taken slowly and deliberately from now on , since the external prisons in place are large, complicated and well guarded by those who do not know the meaning of love , and are locked away in prisons of their own.

They are not the enemy , but fellow victims. And even if we all think we are not important, we are all changing the world somehow. Simply by existing in it we all engage in relationships. At the very least in the sense of occupying space , in the things we consume, the places we go and the choices we make. We all end up making one choice out of many a quintillion times a day about things big and small and all the other choices are not made. Either we do or we don’t , and we are all changing the world that way.

Therefor it is important to always do the best of our ability in all things big and small, but there are many ways in which we can have our internal game come up with excuses not too.

The societies we live in have become extremely corrupted by these excuses because so many of us are filled with internal games filled with these excuses. We have all taken the effort it takes for granted. We overdo literally everything. When we become motivated to do something of which we expect good results , we become entitled that the good results have to be guaranteed, and make excuses that lead us to aggressive tendencies. Because “I tried to do this, and therefor it must happen and this and that negative effect is just something the world needs to accept because I must have this result”. At the same time there is too much help out there , enabling too many to just not do the right thing without having to face the consequences of that really. We can just ignore the negative effects of not doing the right thing too easily. The basic necessities to stay alive and safe are just always there whether or not we do the right thing. Nothing takes any true effort anymore out there, and because of it we live in a world where we end up following our bad excuses over and over again. Just because we can.

And because of this , I always dream of something better and strive towards it in all things big and small. Within myself and outside of myself. Because this special kind of torturous prison we have created for ourselves is filled to the brim with victims of our own making. Ourselves and others.

Most cannot see or find a way out anymore, but the solutions are relatively simple when comparing it to the complexities of the problems.

There just need to be more people who are trying to escape the prisons.

Those that are trying should find more places and times where they can be supported by other people who are trying. (because none of us are super-heroes , and we will have to recover and try again at some point)

Those that are trying should together create more positive examples to others that could enable them to start trying.

But the dangers within ourselves, the excuses we so easily make within ourselves , we also take with us into the places and times where we should support those who could use our loving support. It is so difficult to see within ourselves whether or not we are motivated by the bad excuses , or that we are in a state where the internal game is being played the way it should. Not only do we need to pay a lot of attention to stay focused on playing the right kind of game within ourselves, but we should also create structures of relationships that are so open and transparent that everyone can evaluate all aspects of the quality of those relationships at all times.

The organic superstructure of relationships

Here is my dream.

I will not see it come to light in my lifetime , but out of my internal motivations comes the eternal dedication to keep working on achieving it in some distant future.

It is a concept of intra-human relationships that is vastly different from everything we’re used too. Completely different from all the prisons we have built for ourselves in thoughts and emotions.

We have to start over out of a place of love. And this can only be done together with other people who have first learned to love themselves, and are continuously improving their own version of their internal Cuju game. It’s not important how they see , structure or organize this language within themselves. The Cuju analogy is simply mine. My own little private religion if you will. My own little completely private language between my feelings, and my thoughts.

This is not something that can be given , but it is something that each individual has the duty to construct within itself. The fact that we have all been taught that we should have others tell us how we should operate internally is a peculiarly nasty prison. And all children relationships that come out of that one are peculiarly nasty prisons too.

It is the same time the biggest question in the world , and also the smallest question in the world.

How should my thoughts and emotions talk to each other. And that will then define everything else in your life , but that way it is also added in the mix of all individuals in the world.

And it is very obvious that this world has been suffering from a lot of internal solutions that are not formed out of love.

It is a big and difficult question that needs to be resolved between every individual’s thoughts and emotions.
And there are only a few reactions to it that are possible.

- solution-taking

- solution-giving

- Self-improvement

I’ll go a bit deeper in all three aspects now , because these are extremely important basic principles that will constantly need to be fought against. Because it seems that the best way to quickly identify whether or not the internal motivations of a relationship are a loving one, or one leading to prisons… is to observe the quality of the game being played, and try to determine which one of these three it is. It is also really important to observe that the efficiency of it is not important at all. Only the quality of the relationship matters. The quality of it being capable of love and improvement.

So first I’ll describe the three possible logical courses of action to take when faced with this biggest question of all, before I describe how to tell them apart from each other in all situations big and small , and then we need to go into the distinction of the quality and efficiency of them.

Solution-taking

It is a tough question to face for sure. Especially when you’re already in a super-structure of prisons, and the excuses you have already been making are extremely numerous and well trained.

A “What , I’m going to have to live a life where I am constantly working on improving myself!? I deserve better then this! I want a vacation from this before I even started!” sort of thing in an endless loop.
The victim-minds of societies prisons have been told to take it personal… they have been told that it is an insult that they should improve themselves. They have been told the question is already solved and they shouldn’t even think about it themselves. It’s probably too difficult anyways and I might fail. I’ve tried before and failed so it’s not worth it anymore.

But this state of mind is at a strong cognitive dissonance with your reality, since your emotions are there, and your thoughts are there. These is nowhere to go , and nowhere to escape too. Because it is only the relationship between those two that together create the fact that you exist anyways.

It is their relationship that has created your identity , your ID, your soul , your being … You are not just your body with a brain. That’s just the physical platform which has formed a relationship with your identity. And your identity is created by the relationship of your thoughts and your emotions.

There is no escape. This is your home. This is where you are and what you are. And if you do not resolve the game between your thoughts and your emotions into a game that constantly keeps improving itself , then that relationship is without love. And then all external relationships will be without love. And then your world becomes without love.

But once you have lost hope , once you have come to the conclusion that you can’t do this… then the prison becomes permanent. Just like it happened to Wilson in 1984.

Once you are ready to always simply pass on all your grief and misery born out of being love-less…

Then you have become a solution-taker. An there are many forms in which this world creates opportunities for solution-takers.
From religions , to countries, to political systems , to healthcare and on and on and on…

All our societies across all of history have all , always degraded into mass enablement of the “solution-taking” state of mind.
It doesn’t matter if its communism or democracy , it doesn’t matter if it’s Islam or Christianity , it doesn’t matter if it’s this country or that , this culture or that , this place or that…

The only thing that matters … is that if there is a mass grouping of solution-taking minds… that group will go and sit in prisons within prisons within prisons and together descend into chaos and misery , slowly… but very surely indeed. Because the only thing they can do , is to create more prisons into the ones they already hate. They never leave the original prison in their mind , since they can no longer perceive it.

Solution-giving

This kind of relationship is quite fascinating actually. These relationships can only be born out of a relationship of true love , but then through the course of their life got perverted and lost contact with it’s parent relationships. This is a tunnel out of a prison that started out well , but then forgot it should start over at some point. It was love at some point , but it no longer observes it’s own quality to make sure it’s not making a prison.

It started out well , but at some point the excuses started to make sense again and greed and denial took over again.

This is particularly nasty , since a lot of value was created and things were on their way.
Somewhere , some single mind successfully creates a healthy loving relationship within itself. Like I now like to believe that my internal Cuju game is a loving relationship between my emotions and my thoughts. Let’s call my personal variant of this “Cuju-love” for the sake of this part of the map.

If at some point I see myself trying to convince others that they should also definitely follow the “Cuju-love” way… then I have become a solution-giver , and I will start to create prisons again. Our societies have become so sick and perverted in this nasty variant that we even call this… success!

We actually positively reward people who create prisons for others , and we are even so incredibly evil that we usually even call this something like “help”. But this wouldn’t be help or love in any healthy way at all.

Noone should ever be told how to handle their internal language between their thoughts and their emotions. We should all be working on it ourselves.
If there are 7 billion people on the world then there should be 7 billion unique fingerprints, unique iris’s … and there should also be 7 billion unique languages between those unique combinations of thoughts and emotions.

There should be 7 billion unique religions , 7 billion unique philosophies for life , 7 billion unique versions of how best take care of their body , 7 billion unique version of daily activities , 7 billion unique career paths and jobs , etc… etc…

And if there aren’t… then some relationship… somewhere… has started to create a prison and the excuses and denial won over from love.

We should therefor all be working on this for ourselves, within ourselves… but once we feel good about it.. we should not try and get others to follow our internal solution. We definitely shouldn’t sell it either. But we should share them. We can give inspiration and hope that way , but no one should be told or asked or advised to do it the same way. Because that is no longer love.

Love is to set a relationship free… love is not to define another relationship.

Self-improvement

For me , within me… I call this my Cuju-game between my emotions and my thoughts.

I have my own unique language there and my own unique philosophy.

If you have read this large volume of text , you have been walking through the lands of my mind and have been given a small peek of it. But don’t think you know me. Don’t think I want you to agree or disagree. I just loved writing it. These words are incredibly inefficient , and far to lacking to come even close.

This entire volume of text is but one single ant in an ant-colony larger then the sun… and that whole collection is but sorry simple me , loving the world around him.

Not much of it is original , if anything. All these words I learned somewhere because someone else wrote them down somewhere. I haven’t invented any words or concepts here. It is all just a collection of what I’ve learned so far in my own little unique combination.

And I will always keep learning so this language is always evolving and adapting.

Always creating new prisons for itself , that always need to be observed and guarded against the excuses , and I will always go some wrong way somewhere to come to the conclusion I have built some prison somewhere. As soon as I realize that I will try to do better next time.

I just call this… love.

True love. Without excuses.

Validate quality , not efficiency

Out of this starting concept of loving myself, and doing my best to love the world around me, I am trying to make my change on this world a good one.

However small or big that change is, is not important since it’s relative. I always try to let go of such thoughts quickly since they are born from the wrong parents. For me , the Cuju game within me is the most important there is in my universe… on the scale of the current world society it is meaningless and when looking at the history of this chunk of stone floating through space around the sun it is even beyond meaningless… so small and tiny it can be debated if it existed at all.

My internal relationship of love will create external relationships born of the same principles , and that creates a network of relationships spreading out into an organic superstructure of all my primary, secondary , tertiary , levels of relationships into infinity. Trying to map the current superstructure of that effect is beyond me, but it’s pretty fun to imagine what it would look like.

There is simply no conceivable way to evaluate the total quality of that superstructure which is the total sum of the impact on my world. Although these days , our automated tools have created a lot of opportunities to come much closer to that then we ever have , and I hope to some day be working on an actual automated mapping system of that organic superstructure.

What is important to me , when I look at this organic superstructure of relationships , is to give up in the immediate moment that I could evaluate it’s total quality. But that is not needed either.

All I have to do is evaluate the quality of the ones within me that have seeded this entire superstructure.. and the further out into levels the relationships go , the more they are influenced by external factors then by my own seed of relationship anyways.

But what I CAN do , is to always diligently and skeptically look at the quality of that relationship. And I have found that most people tend to sometimes confuse the words quality and efficiency with each other.

The efficiency of a relationship is irrelevant to me. The quality of a relationship is primordial.

I should not care how fast I have learned something… because we never truly learn something anyways. Because as soon as we do , it’s on to the next level anyways. There is no good way to determine it’s all going “fast enough” and it doesn’t matter anyways.

What CAN be observed is how well the ball is being played back and forth. How each and every pulse going one direction or the other has been received. All I have to do is to look at each and every tiny little interaction on a micro scale. When I speak one sentence to someone, I need to properly listen and observe what comes next. How did this one sentence influence that person , and how well does the response relate to the interaction given, and did it create a net plus , a net minus or a absolute fart of nothingness. (And producing absolute farts of nothingness is a net minus , because the opportunity to love , that was there , just for the taking… was missed)

And that is how I live my life. Every interaction is continuously scrutinized on it’s own little tiny merit , on it’s own little tiny effect and then immediately valued on quality, but not efficiency. Because the “efficiency” of each and every tiny interaction does not matter. Because there is no other goal then make them better anyways. There is no way to skip the steps anyways… 1, 2, 3… Poof! Next!

The improvement is the purpose , not the results or the times or places I end up.

And I try to bring this concept as far out into this world as I can…

I believe it is possible to create cooperative organic superstructures of relationships with other humans and have their principles apply everywhere all the time. I still believe that at some point in the future this concept of loving relationships could someday replace all the past failed experiments of Solution-givers vs Solution-takers that always end up being prisons , and are thus all simply WRONG!

Chapter 4 : Love

Cooperative organic superstructures

For each individual the basic necessities are fairly simple.

Shelter from the climate of the world.

Sustenance in the form of food and drink.

And basically everything I have written in the other 3 chapters, is the description of the necessity of love , being returned by the organic superstructure you create yourself out of the seed of your internal relationship between your emotions and your thoughts.

And now I will try to give real world examples of where I hope this can go. Of where I have dedicated my life too, to try to get too.

This is not an easy road to walk and it constantly feels like walking on the sharp edge of a razor blade. But the road is just , and virtue is it’s own reward.

Whatever I put into the relationship superstructure I have created comes back to me through it. Every pulse I send into it , is only reflected back to me. It is all my own doing. It is all my own fault.

Assuming there is a qualitative support network of friends and family available , it is time to go into the necessities of shelter and food. Which most people automatically relate to money , which has become a prison all by itself in all these endless experimentations of loveless societies across thousands of years all over the world. Solution-takers vs solution-givers love to abstract everything into money since it is the ultimate abstraction we have learned to accept. It is nothing more then a number , a valuation by a system of control. While at the same time it can be an incredibly valuable tool , but it is being perverted into becoming a goal in on itself. It has replaced entirely the valuation of quality for all solution-takers that hope to become a solution-giver some day.

But they fail to see that the only way to become a solution-giver , is to be a self-improver first and then fail at that to descend into prison again as a guard instead of the prisoner. But it also just makes you the prisoner of the prison above or within that too.

There is a better way to approach life as a community , and I even believe that this better way of life for a community can start growing out of the courtyards of the prisons we have built. We could take all these wonderful advancements we have made within the prisons , and use them differently too.

The tools and opportunities available to the prisoners and the guards , can also be interacted with from outside the prison. I believe we should go into business with the prisons , and love them… love them completely to death by setting as many prisoners free as we can.

And I believe we can do this through their ultimate abstraction, their ultimate tool , their ultimate evil… their money. 😉

I am trying to create relationship superstructures with the principles of love (let’s just call them “love-works” for the sake of this chapter) that operate together with the prisons , but do not become prisons themselves.

In a “love-works” organization , the priorities are vastly different then other organizations out there. The operating procedures are different , the goals are different and the people are different and their very definition is completely different.

A Love-work isn’t trying to stay the same as it was in any point in time. But it is trying to constantly evolve , and if things don’t work out it will die out in grace and start again. Love-works reset and reboot at the flip of a switch , inventories the relationships still available out of the previous attempt and try again. Sometimes with minor changes , sometimes with big changes.

A Love-work always has a relatively limited goal , this isn’t to grand in the whole scheme of things. It’s all part of a much vaster network of relationships anyways.

I’ve always found the concept of an old-school library to be a fine example of something that we could most easily adapt to a true love-work. It is really sad to see that the prisons we have been building are even corrupting the fantastic concept of small-scale libraries, and it is for instance in those fields I am trying to enact this in real life first too.

Out of those roots , I will be trying to expand further and further into this world… starting in the village where I live. I hope , someday… there will be people doing this in every village in the world again , and that the villages and communities where this doesn’t happen simply die out or start doing this. I won’t see those times , but I still work towards that goal.

The ultimate foundation for an organic superstructure of relations that is built on proper and virtuous principles and values, summarized in the word love , is very simple.

Knowledge!

The organic superstructure should have as much information available to it as possible. And it should not limit itself to just the knowledge it thinks it needs today to do it’s immediate goal. It should strive to gather as much knowledge about as much as possible at all times.

Creativity and learning experiences about anything , anytime , should be possible for all entities engaging in relationships in the organic superstructure called a love-work.

A love-work’s foundation is it’s library of knowledge.

The knowledge of everything it has tried itself the past , so that it can learn from it directly.
And as much of everything , anything else out there has tried too, so it can learn from it indirectly.

What does this mean in practice?

In the village where I live I am working on trying to achieve the first step for a platform that would enable this village to have it’s very own “Love-work”.

In envision a building , or a set of locations not too far from each other (walking distance)

that house the following functions first.

A classical library in the sense that as many paper books are available as is practically possible given the location. Everyone in the network can freely lend and donate books etc.. a community library as there are many in this world. Obviously it also provides digital access to anything it can provide access too.

In that same location there should always be classes being organized , not by organizations or institutions , but simply by individual people. Each and every one of us has something they know how to do, or knowledge they have , that someone else would find interesting. And each and everyone of us has the desire to share and spread what they have learned , but each and every one of us live in a prison of the mind where we think it is only worth it to get accredited proof of that learning. That it is not allowed or useful to share your own unique way of making your toast with a few neighbors. And it is time to break this madness. There should be a force active that constantly tantalizes and entices everyone in the network to ask question about whatever they want somewhere , just locally at first , and interconnected if other true love-works exist in the vicinity.

And that same force should also enable people to go through the compendium of anything anyone is interested in , and if someone feels like they have something to share about that , then a “custom gathering” is created to enable that. What starts as a library of books , should become the old style “Agora’s” of old for that local community and once the seed of this kind of activity is planted , it is a self-sustaining organism or relationships that needs no control , and needs no prisons to be able to self sustain itself. To be able to build this inside of the prisons we live in , someone will need to start the process , but the first task of the person to start this, should be to work towards the situation where a single unique person of leadership is no longer needed.

That is possible as long as the principles of all the relationships in that network around that library are virtuous and not filled with excuses. It can only operate well once there is a majority of people involved that truly love themselves , and are constantly trying to improve themselves. A certain critical mass of people need to be created that love themselves well , and constantly enrich each others life with the things they are learning through that self improvement.

It should guard itself from prisoners , while trying to set prisoners free. But an Agora where there is a critical mass of people who love themselves well , have a very easy way to validate that at all times. There has to be a status of “membership” for the Agora , and it is the creation of this critical mass that is the task of the single person who starts a “Love-work”.

In organizational practice , the “love-work” is nothing more then a group of people coming together in a “membership”. This group of people has no single leader , but at inception simply needs to create a list of goals , that all members need to agree on.

This inception process is arduous , slow and difficult… but the maintenance of it becomes very easy as long as the average of the quality of it’s members is based on the proper principles.

It is therefor best that a single person created the starting list of goals , and then simply tries to gather a starting set of “members” that will all try to achieve those goals together, as a network.

This group of people should operate together under the very simple and basic principles as the rest of reality follows. Everything is everything and it’s all the same everywhere.

This group of active members doesn’t need a leader. It just needs an automated assistant to do all the boring steps of all the boring work. We have advanced enormously in large scale automation of prisons , but we have completely failed in applying all this advancement at the proper level, at the proper scale, with the proper principles. And that is because we have built all these things to make prisons larger and more efficient.

But we have still completely neglected to apply what we learned to the QUALITY of everything.

The Agora-bot

I will now live my life in pursuit of the single purpose of being able to live in a community that is the proud location of a well-functioning, self-sustaining Agora-style Love-work supported by its very own “Agora-bot”.

This agora-bot needs to run on computers that are networked across the community and not on external datacenters.

The electricity that this infrastructure needs, has to be created locally in the community by means of small scale and purpose built solar and hydro solutions that can be completely maintained by craftsmen in that very same community.
There is no need for external accreditations for any of this… in almost any community today , all the skills and knowledge are available for this, but it is just not being shared amongst it’s inhabitants.

There is no need for external control , or leadership since the value for the community is simply priceless and at the same time it provides purpose and a support platform of love for each member of that community too.

The members-group that does all the physical work required for this Agora Love-work should organize itself into a meritocracy with the following rules for each and every decision made. Each and every addition, change or deletion of a short term goal on the active list of goals for the member-group.

Before a decision is made in the group, there is first vote about the merit of each member concerning this very decision. It makes no sense that in a group of 20 people , where there are only 5 people with practical experience as an electrician … that the other 15 clueless people get to have a decision about how to wire the installation of a certain hydrogen battery cell. So in this case , the 20 people all vote first about who they feel has the most valuable knowledge and experience about the matter at hand. And then only the people who gather enough merit from the rest of the group , decide on what to do in this specific task , for this specific problem. It could perfectly come out that everyone simply points to a single person , and then that single person goes and does that completely on it’s own without any further questions or need for guidance. And that person then reports the results back to the group.

A complete and full meritocracy for every question or problem that arises. Nothing is done without complete consensus of the ones that have gathered enough merit for the task at hand. And if they fail at reaching consensus , then they report the process of the failed consensus back to the group. And then another attempt is made to gather merit , which will now have different results , since the effects of failing to reach consensus will have reverberations into the next distribution of merit.

Quality in each and every decision big or small is what’s important at all times! There is no overall leadership at any time. There are only guiding principles that are also adjusted by the same group.

And yes… this all sounds like an enormously overcomplicated way to organize something… but it isn’t! it super simple and stupid… but there is simply an enormous amount of boring administration to do , to get this going well. And we have created all the technology and tooling to have this done for us!

All we need is an AI bot that “administers” the meritocracy. A continuous automation program that organizes and prioritizes the merit votes to be taken by the group , which then enables the right people to make the right decisions at the right time , in pursuit of the goals defined by that meritocracy.

The meritocracy should only allow short term missions and experiments on it’s task list , and approach each mission under the same principles of experimentation and reporting back.

The agora bot simply needs to communicate well to all it’s members and manage the “shared state” of the multiple occurrences of decision making going on. There is no limit on how many are going on at the same time and project planning is not needed.

The velocity is determined automatically by the bandwidth of voting power that the members with enough merit to decide have available. At times of a lot of changes , they will be too busy with executing decisions so less voting will be able to occur.

Priorities of change vs execution are a self balancing Nash-equilibrium on itself and needs no governing. As long as the quality of the internal game within each member is guarded well.

Time and space needs to be reserved to support those who are running out of steam , to be picked up by those who are in a high state of activity and potential.

But… luckily… that is exactly also the end result of the Agora that is being managed by the bot!

And I believe and I am convinced, that once you get this agora-style location going , managed as a complete and open meritocracy , with all opportunities to learn more available to everyone in the community it supports … that it will become really easy for that Agora to organize projects that provide wealth and comfort to the community. Why wouldn’t the Agora repair a road, why wouldn’t they operate a restaurant , why wouldn’t they produce software solutions , why wouldn’t they do whatever work somebody out there in the world might be willing to pay for? The Agora love-work will take all their money, own nothing , and invest everything in another better change for the community , and provide for that community in any way that is necessary , requested or possible.

Why wouldn’t they?

The basic economic livelihood of any community should strive to first be self-sustaining, and then export it’s surplus on a local scale.

A network of agora love-works would become an indestructible force on it’s own of pure freedom for all its members.

In my mind every community should have this completely self-sustaining, self-managing pod of an agora-bot supported love-work at it’s disposal. And that would then be a community where love and compassion can forever keep growing. A community that wins the fight against entropy… one little decision per one little decision. Quality at each step above all.

It is time to let go in the belief that the large prisons can work in the interest of local communities when the prison is based on the wrong principle. It is time to completely reconsider the economic, social and personal fabric that we live in, and start from the simple truth of our local communities.

It is time to start out of ourselves, and work together on a local level again.

It is time to take all those large automation lessons this world has learned, and apply them on micro scales so that each community can thrive.

This shouldn’t be done through local governments, because they are trapped in the prisons of the governments above them , and those above them.

We shouldn’t ask what our country can do for us… we shouldn’t ask what our province can do for us… we shouldn’t ask wat the local government of the commune can do for us.

We should DO for our local community… the people you can say hello to every morning as you pass them on the street, and support them , and pay attention to them… we should ask THEM what we could do for them.

Every minute, of every hour. of every day.

No longer will there be isolated entities in which entropy can only increase.

No longer will there be an environment where prisons can survive.

This will be a community where everyone has a time and a place to go to be free.

No longer will we live in 1984!

And that is what I live for.

I believe we are all worth saving.